


Remorse

by Lenkia



Series: Regrets - the Series [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Barista Rey (Star Wars), Childbirth, Dark, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dirty Talk, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Forced Marriage, Forced Orgasm, Forced Pregnancy, Gaslighting, Heavy Angst, Impregnation, Kylo Ren is 36, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Kylo Ren/Rey Child, Masturbation, Mentioned Trafficking, Naked Female Clothed Male, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Older Man/Younger Woman, Organized Crime, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Kylo Ren, Pregnancy Kink, Punishment, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Sequel, Sexism, Stalking, Stockholm Syndrome, Therapy, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, rey is 20
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:28:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25003915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenkia/pseuds/Lenkia
Summary: Rey thought she, together with her baby girl, would be able to move on now that it's all over. But she was wrong.He won't leave them alone.The Sequal to my own storyRegrets.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Regrets - the Series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643605
Comments: 290
Kudos: 433





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, here it is. The sequel to my [Regrets.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18622183/chapters/44157640)
> 
> I've recently started on it and I actually wanted some time to work on it before I posted, but I was too excited to contain myself! So please, enjoy this baby that you have been waiting for and enjoy!! <33
> 
> I recommend you to read [Regrets](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18622183/chapters/44157640) and even the Spin-Off [Refusals](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085343/chapters/55226074) for a better understanding. 
> 
> Now, please mind my language for English is not my first, MIND THE TAGS, and if you don't like? Don't read!

Pain. 

It’s something Rey has grown up with. Then later lived through and now experiencing. Like a tail, following her everywhere she goes. It’s something she always dwells on because she often finds the universe unfair. 

It’s unfair. It’s so unfair that she has to suffer all the time. When she tries to make something work, that’s when it all goes wrong and it’s because Rey was never destined for anything but pain. 

Thrown away as a child and raised by demons who never fed her. Pain.

Starting life, but only getting snatched away from it - the home she wished for her whole life - within seconds. Pain. 

Falling in love, wickedly. 

… Pain. 

Birthing a child she was forced upon. 

_ Pain! _

“Ms. Niima, you have to push!”, someone screams but Rey can’t hear anything. It’s maybe the same midwife who introduced herself in the beginning, she doesn’t know. All she hears is voices and she can’t keep them apart, but she’s sure that the eerie scream causing the walls to shake is hers. 

The thin hospital gown is clinging to every inch of her body, sweat pouring out of every pore and her teeth may pop out the way she grits them so hard. She hears a whimper, recognizing it as Finn’s and remembering that she’s holding his poor, defenseless hand. But it’s nothing she does about it, because why does other’s pain matter when the one she goes through is  _ this _ ? 

This pain is nothing against the slaps she received as a hungry child. Nothing against almost drowning in water, lungs filled with water, and nothing against the knife that has marked her skin as his. Rey remembers the panic she felt, knowing that someone may see the two letters on her hips once she goes into labor. But now, nothing else is her mind matters but the awful misery of childbirth. Yet she’s thankful that the gown still covers her to the knee but it still doesn’t hide the scars around her wrists. 

She doesn’t want to explain  _ that _ to anybody, why she has a bloody initial on her skin and red marks like bracelets. It was hard enough when she first came.

_ “Will the father be present?”  _

_ I don’t know,  _ she wanted to scream _. I don’t fucking know because he told me that he loved me, then he left! _

That was the case. The last time Rey ever saw him was when he visited. When their eyes were locked on each other in a challenging matter and then within seconds, he was thrusting into her 5-month pregnant body. Whispering in her ear all the things she had yearned for so long and she had moaned and purred like a satisfied cat under the sun. The words were like a drug that kicked in into her fucked life that  _ he  _ fucked up. 

Then Rey had woke up the next morning - fell asleep to his deep murmurs of beautiful words in her ear - and he was gone. 

Rey had waited by the door patiently. One week, two weeks then three. During that time, she stared at the hallway nervously and like a withering flower, her hope slowly died. She didn’t go to therapy and she barely called her friends. The disappointment she had felt in herself - and the guilt she felt for her baby - made her so extremely ashamed. She had tried to tell herself that everything has changed. He loves her now and that changes everything. 

Then the weeks went, and Rey was reminded that this wasn’t the first time that she thought that ‘everything has changed’...

“You want to tell me what made you cancel our appointment?”, Dr. Ko Connix had asked, with no type of microaggression at all after 4 weeks of pushing forward her hours. Her voice was one-toned, professional and she didn’t even look interested. 

Rey had felt her cheeks burn up and the same feeling started under her eyelids too as she had lowered her face, forcing herself not to cry. 

“I-...” She had opened her mouth to spit out a lie, then hesitated. “He came to visit…”

“He?” Rey had nodded, palms placed on her big abdomen and eyes flying around the room, landing on everywhere but her therapist. 

The two months Rey had gone to Dr. Ko Connix, she hadn’t mentioned  _ him  _ once and it’s was the first time, Rey realizes, that he’s brought up. 

“We had sex.”, Rey had blurted out and she was about to explode in embarrassment, a palm covering her eyes. “He told me that he loved me and I was so happy. Then he… I haven’t seen him in a month. He just left me, like he always does. Like everyone does!” 

The therapist had stared at her with the same neutral expression as Rey had sobbed, body shivering in shame and anger. 

“I’m so- so mortified! So embarrassed!”, Rey had cried, shaking her head in a crazed breakdown. “How could I be so stupid!? I did so well before he came and ruined it and- and I was  _ happy  _ when he ruined it because I wanted to be with him but I can’t,  _ I can’t _ for my baby-” 

“Rey...” A palm was placed on hers and the simplest of words caused Rey to breathe in and out shakingly, wiping her tears and coughing like a child. “You are a human being and it’s normal to fall back into what we once thought was good for us. We all have our ups and downs, and you have to see this as a dip in your journey of recovery. So brush your knees and do your best to reach your goals.” 

And that’s what she did - or at least tried to. The four months with no contact of him were dedicated to the attention of herself and the baby. 

It didn’t take long before she contacted Finn again, satisfied to know that he barely noticed her lack of calling. 

“Finals are eating me alive!”, he had cried through the phone before cursing. “I dropped my fucking coffee- Oh man, I can’t deal with this anymore!  _ Fuck- _ ” 

Rey had shaken her head and hanged up, chuckling for herself. Knowing that she’d call again in two weeks once all the tests had been done. 

Poe had visited too, bringing her the daily cravings of McDonald's and the cheap cinnamon rolls they sell a few stores from the station and shared them with her over a cup of tea. 

“I miss going to Jakku and not seeing you there.”, Poe had said as he sipped on his drink, smiling at the ultrasound pictures that Rey had saved for him.

“Well, I’m so big now and Maz had been so nice and let me take my maternity leave earlier.” Rey hates pity, but  _ damn _ she couldn’t deny some spare time from work. So she could focus on herself and the baby. It’s what she needed and her therapist agreed. 

“Paige misses you. Tells me that every time I visit.” Rey couldn’t help but raise one eyebrow. 

“Paige, huh? Are you sure  _ I’m _ the one you want to see on Jakku?” Poe had blushed and mumbled under his breath as Rey had laughed, mocking him some more. 

Even Rose had called more than once. 

“We’ll definitely be there for the birth, Rey!”, Rose had sung exited through the phone - taxis and cars horning of New York in the background - and the anxiety of knowing that she’d had to push out a baby out of her vagina caused Rey to panic. “When are you due?” 

“In about three months - 20th of August.”, Rey had mumbled, picking on her nails. “Dr. Ko Connix makes me go on these baby courses once a week.” 

“Really? How is it?” 

At first, it was awful. 

Rey had sat on a bright blue cushion-covered floor, stared at the doll in front of her with a red face as all the other pairs around her talked and whispered, waiting for instructions. It was like a hit across the face, seeing the fathers being present beside the future mothers and wanting a part of their baby's lives. Ready to learn about changing a diaper and holding the infant the right way. 

She could feel the stares at the back of the head, the pity sending across the room like radioactive waves at the fact that she came alone, as a single mother. Because that is what she is now, right? A single mother. 

What did she expect? That he’d  _ actually _ be present in her baby's life? That he’d go on baby courses and ultrasounds between drug- and weapon trafficking? 

Sometimes Rey forgets that he kept her hostage and raped her, handcuffed to the bed. 

The instructions had been made and as all the pairs had tried wrapping their individual doll with a cloth the right way, the course leader walked through the mothers and fathers to examine their works while the pairs cooperated. Rey, gone in thoughts - figuring out a plan that could make her excuse for leaving believable - hadn’t noticed the woman peeking behind her shoulder and noticing her untouched doll. 

“Were the instructions unclear?”, the leader had asked curious and Rey jumped by the sudden question, glancing up at the lady wide-eyed. 

“No, no. It’s clear…”, she had mumbled, looked away embarrassed, and placed her palms on the bump. Waiting for the leader to leave her alone and focus on the other parents. 

Rey hadn’t expected the lady to sit beside her, smiling half-heartedly with saddened eyes, and  _ fuck  _ Rey just wanted to get out of there. 

“You are not the first who I’ve had on this course who’d come alone.”, the lady had said and Rey was about to burst in frustration and depression - tired of this endless pity - when she said; “It’s not about who raises the child, but  _ how _ you raise the child. Parenthood does not equal two individuals. Sometimes, one is more than enough.” 

The leader had smirked, her eyes playfully leaning towards a couple behind them arguing under heavy whispering, pointlessly fighting over the method on how to wrap the doll, and Rey couldn’t help but stare at them dumbfoundedly. 

Rey realizes that the lady is absolutely right. 

The next week, Rey was more than determined to learn and she had learned fast. While the others were bickering and arguing over the instructions, Rey had already finished and even remade the wrapping around the doll if not satisfied. The course was not about her, but about her baby girl and she didn’t need a partner beside her telling her that her work is not good enough. 

Or threatening her to death. 

The courses went week for a week and Rey had learned to change a diaper, breastfeed, support its head, all while constantly going to therapy. Every second, every day and every week was a step closer to reach the goals that contained nothing but greatness for herself and the baby. 

He? He’s not a part of it. No, not for one bit. He did his part, he fucked the child into her womb, made her fall for him, and left. That is  _ more _ than enough. She doesn’t need him. She has Finn. Rose and Poe are waiting for her in the waiting room, worrying -  _ caring -  _ for her wellbeing. She doesn’t need him,  _ she doesn’t- _

“Rey, you have to push!” Finn is screaming into her ear and Rey thinks she’s about to pass out. “The nurse says you have to push!” 

He could’ve left. He could’ve just left her that day she escaped and never came back but he had to tell her that he loves her. 

Why is he torturing her? Why did he do this to her? Why did he force her on a child? 

“I can see the head, keep pushing Ms. Niima!”

He’s continuing life like nothing while she has to suffer this miserable pain, this  _ awful  _ pain that begins from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. It’s unfair. It’s so  _ fucking  _ unfair! 

“Come on, just a bit more!”

Rey thinks she might die. Her body trembles in exhaustion and the stirrup holding her legs apart is rattling violently by the amount of suffering she goes through. She’s still screaming, Rey thinks, because Finn standing beside her crying in fright and for his probably injured palm.

“Push, Rey! Push!” 

Everything is his fault, he did this to her and she has to suffer and birth his child and he’s not even here- he’s not even  _ here- _

Rey scream, throwing her head back so hard her brain rattles and her voice must go all the way to the hallways the way almost everyone freezes in the room. Sweat drips into her eyes and almost blinds her, just the way he blinded her with flowers. Just as he blinded her with sweetness, all so he could breed her like the bitch he treated her and he’s not  _ here- _

Rey cries his name and she might have heard Finn’s breath hitch but Rey doesn’t care. All she can do is scream his name as a curse and a song while pushing with all she got. Her body is tearing in two and she screams like a banshee - desperate and horrible because that’s what her life consists of. 

It’s not fair. Because even after all self-healing and acceptance, a small part of Rey still thought that he’d be here for the birth of his daughter. And he isn’t. 

_ It’s not… fair.  _

Then, like an apology from the universe, the pain disappears like a wave washing over its shore and a different, new, fresh scream fills the room. 

Rey heaves loudly, staring at the ceiling with hazed eyes as muffled voices fill her ears. For a second she thinks she’s in heaven, with the hospital's typical whiteness, the pain relief, and calming crying surrounding her. And she’s satisfied if it all ends like this, she truly is. Rey isn’t even mad anymore.

But when Finn’s blurry figure hovers over her with a big smile and tearing eyes, crying as the nurse gives her the baby, Rey realizes that this also a different kind of heaven. 

Rey is suddenly holding the bundle of baby in her embrace and the breath is knocked out of her by the sight of the screaming child in her arms. Finn is saying something between cries, the nurses say something too, but all Rey sees and hears is the child that she suffered to get out for hours. Seeing her now, Rey suddenly doesn’t mind the misery. 

She’s beautiful. 

She has her father's hair, locks of raven hair already clinging onto her forehead like glue and through the clenched eyelids she can see the same shade of darkness as his. Her appearance will probably be inherited by her fathers, but Rey doesn’t mind because the spirit of the child is hers. 

She came recently out to the world and her hands are already in fists, throwing them around and screaming with all the power she got as if she’s ready for whatever life throws her way. The same spirit - infant or not - is Rey’s and it’s all she has wished for.

A tear run downs Rey's cheek and breath she didn’t know she held is released from her lungs. 

“Ms. Nima.” Rey turns her head to the nurse, who has probably called for her the past five minutes. “She’s hungry.”

Rey’s face turns red, wiping her tears immediately.

“Oh, right.” All lessons she took at the baby course are thrown out the window and its instincts that lead Rey forward when she pushes down her gown and bring forwards her strong-spirited child towards her breast. She quiets down in seconds, latching into her nipple immediately and the sensation causes her to shiver. Strong. She’s a strong baby girl. 

“Oh, Rey!”, Finn sobs beside her, snot and tears running down his face. “She’s so beautiful, so beautiful! I’m so proud of you!”

Rey chuckles, her eyes never leaving the satisfied child as she lets a single finger run down her cheek.

“What will you name her?” 

She’s so soft, so innocent. She’s the darkest memory in Rey's life, yet the most beautiful too. A child received out of fear and torture, but she doesn’t know that. She  _ won’t _ know that because Rey will only treat her with love, with patience, and with faith. Knowing that she’s more than just  _ his  _ child. She’s hers too.

But if there is something Rey has learned the 20 years of her life, is that life is never fair.

In the end, her child is Rey’s reality.

“Her name is Makaria.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Makaria is the name of the Goddess of "blessed" death. She is the daughter of Hades and Persephone. 
> 
> My other stories…
> 
> [Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)
> 
> [Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- One-shot. Dark, Robbery, smut. 
> 
> [A String Attached To Your Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145/chapters/50917576) \- Looong story. Soulmate-AU. 
> 
> [Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.
> 
> [The Mad Empress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613834/chapters/59461759) \- ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so happy to see the amounts of comments telling me how excited they are for Remorse!! Thank you so much for your kindness and also patience. I'm at a very busy moment in my life, but I'll make sure to post as often as I can!

The first two weeks after the birth of Rey’s baby girl is a blur. 

Everyone comes to visit, wanting to see the new bundle of joy and congratulate Rey all while ignoring the elephant in the room. Maz and Paige visits, crying by the sight of the infant and even Finn’s mother came with a bag filled with new clothes for the baby. Her eyes watered, her lips in a small smile and Rey doesn’t know if she cries for the child or her. 

Between receiving gifts and thanking them for their generosity, Rey is feeling like shit. Her breasts are sore, filled with milk that wants out and Makaria keeps crying during the night. Rose - staying the week at Rey’s - insists to help the best she can and Rey happily accepts the charity. Rey manages to sleep a few hours before Ria understands her mother’s betrayal when searching for a nipple and not finding anything from Rose. 

But Rey is still grateful for those hours of sleep and the fact that she changes her diapers and changes her clothes. Rose is also the one who bathed her. Rey can’t take baths anymore, just showers. It’s a phobia now. 

“I feel like a cow…”, Rey mumbles, eyelids drooping as Rose chuckles with her glass of wine pressed to her lips. Ria is sucking sleepily against her chest and Rey feels exhausted even if she’s surrounded by her friends. As Rey and Rose sit by the kitchen table lazily, Poe chops the onions by the counter and wipes his eyes constantly, sniffling and cursing under his breath. Dinner is a painful thing to take on. 

“Well, you are basically a cow now.”, Finn mocks and Rey rolls her eyes, throwing the finger his way. “But how can you complain about something  _ so cute! _ ”

“Right, she is so precious! I have a cousin and he was ugly as hell as a newborn!” 

The group of friends laugh and start a conversation all while Rey hums gently with a smile on her face, letting a fingertip caress the soft cheeks of the half-sleeping child pressed to her chest. Her lips are plump and parted, a drop of milk sliding down her cheek and her full, black hair is ruffles on the top of her head. Already on the verge of turning into beautiful locks. 

“Cute, precious Ria…”, Rey whispers to her baby, kissing her cheek gently. She already has her father's look and Rey thought that it would be the hardest challenge of them all - seeing him in their child. 

But even though she has inherited most of him, they are already describing her as everything he wasn’t and Rey is more than satisfied with that. 

  
  


“I’m going to miss you guys. So much…”, Rose mumbles under her breath as the taxi driver loads the journalist's bag into the car and the sight causes Rey’s throat to tighten. She doesn’t want to cry and wake the baby up. “But duty calls…” 

A week has gone by since Ria was born and Rose has to leave for New York. It wasn’t supposed to be this emotional, by the side of the street right outside her apartment. Yet Rey suddenly realizes the impact of work Rose has done. 

It wasn’t just the diaper changing and letting Rey sleep a few hours - entertaining the baby at night. It was also her company that kept her occupied and busy from the darker part of her life. From drifting into thoughts of him and emotions that matched the ones from her labor. The mixture of anger, sadness, and… homesickness. 

“I understand Rose, we’ll miss you too.”, Rey smiles, pressing the child sleeping against her chest tighter in her embrace, causing her to whimper and making the two chuckles. A soft, warm August winds flow through them. “I’m so happy you helped me this week. I couldn’t have done this without you. Thanks.”

Rose smiles, then her eyes water, and then they hug each other the best they can with Ria in between. How much Rey fought it, a tear still runs down her cheek because even though she has Finn and Poe here, there is nothing better than support from a woman and a friend. She has realized that now. 

Rose waves through the seat with red eyes and the taxi joins the sea of cars, driving towards the airport. Rey smiles through sobs and waves the best she can, feeling the panic growing from the tip of her toes and climbing it’s way up her body. 

What will she do now, all alone with this child? 

Rey glance at her baby, before shaking her head and turning around back to her apartment, not noticing the black SUV lurking down the street. 

“Rey, I’m so sorry but I can’t come today.”, Poe says through the phone, causing Rey to raise an eyebrow as she scratches her forehead with her wrist. Hands gloved and covered with foam. “I even bought the cinnamon buns but…”

“Is everything alright?”, Rey asks with her eyes on the phone, slowly continuing scrubbing the pan she fried chicken with for dinner. Her voice is lowered, afraid to wake the baby up sleeping in her crib. 

“It’s super busy at the station. Apparently, a new organization has been found in the city. Or at least, rumors say it.” Rey’s hand's freeze, the pan almost sliding out of her palms.

“A new organization...?” 

“Don’t worry, it’s not the First Order. It’s called something else, something with-” A sudden wail fills the apartment and Rey flinch by the loudness of her daughter. “Is that Ria?”

“Yes. Dammit, I just put her to sleep!”

“Go to her, but Rey; I’ll probably can't come next week either. You should’ve seen the pile of papers they put on me. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s all right, Dameron. I understand.”, Rey says with a tight smile, peeling off the gloves. Rose went back to New York and Finn’s back to college, a new semester on the go. Now Poe’s busy with work and that’s alright.

It’s just that it seems like everyone moves on with life except for Rey. 

Ria is crying and so is Rey. 

The routine that Rose and Rey once had doesn’t work any more thanks to the journalist being absent and it’s as Ria can sense her mother’s panic of mothering alone from now, with no help.

So she cries. In the middle of the night, she wakes up and her screams echo loudly against the walls with her fists thrown around as if she’s fighting a bothering mosquito. Like a crazed, first-time mother, Rey goes through all the points to why her child is screaming exhausted, only managing 2 hours of sleep before _sleeping beauty_ became _the_ _beast_. 

_ Hungry _ , Rey asks herself with the child in her lap, but she was feed just an hour ago. Tired? No, she had a nap just now. Is it stomach pain? But she burped after, Rey made sure of that. 

“What is it, Makaria?”, Rey cries panicked with a hoarse voice, feeling herself sweat as the child continues to scream with a high-pitched shriek. Rey stands up, placing Ria against her shoulder with a palm against the back of her head and she paces around the living room, trying to calm the child down but she won’t stop  _ screaming! _ “Baby, please…”

Ria answers back with even more cries and Rey clench her eyes when she hears the angry neighbors bang their sharing walls annoyed. Wanting some rest and energy for the morning and instead of being annoyed - because how the hell is she supposed to keep an infant quiet!? - it only eggs on her panic more. 

_ What is she supposed to do?  _ Should she call an ambulance, but she can’t afford that! Calling Finn or Poe isn’t fair either, it’s three in the morning. They have their own lives to maintain, she can’t keep bothering them. Finn is exhausted in school - he said that through text and even Poe is drowning in work. 

What is wrong with her baby, is she hurt? What is Rey doing wrong, why isn’t she good as this!?

Rey’s insecurities, together with her exhaustion, hysteria, and the bangings from her neighbors, just crash into a mess of panic and Rey falls apart. 

She burst into a crying mess. 

No energy or anticipation can keep her up anymore, crumbling into the couch with the screaming child against her chest and Rey wails into the air. Louder than her daughter and louder than the despair that eats her alive because what is she doing? Why is this happening to her? 

If she just went to sleep that October night like any normal person would do, she'd still be working and earn enough to buy a real bed for herself. Not scraping enough to buy a crib and shamefully accept clothes and strollers like charity. She’d travel with enough money, or go to clubs like a 20-year old would, not birth a child and panic in the middle of the night. 

She just looked out the window and 10 months later, she’s here. 

If she just had parents that would be by her side and tell her what do to, this wouldn’t be so hard. They’d tell her how they cared for her when she was just one week - what worked for the children of their family - and just that alone would calm Rey down so much. She’d see mothering as something fun and not a curse. 

“I’m sorry…”, Rey cries with tears and snot running down her face, hugging her baby harder through heavy heaves which causes Ria to scream even louder. “I’m sorry I’m not good enough...” 

She places her cheek on top of her baby’s head, the black locks sticking to her tears and she sobs even louder by the color. 

It’s his hair, it’s his baby and he’s not here. No one is here and it’s when she feel this lonely that she thinks of him the most. He was good at using that emotion against her, making her feel seen and making her feel like the most important thing in the world - after he had shaped her into his liking, that is. 

Rey had grown up without parents and she thought that she had accepted that fact. She thought that she had moved on, and became an independent woman with dreams far away from the dream she never could have. 

Then he ruined everything. He took her strength, her independence, and her bravery and left. Rey is still healing from being a dependent mess - but a crying child and her lame insecurities don’t help. Him coming here and telling her that he loves her doesn’t help either. 

Even after four months, it still affects her. 

“Do you miss daddy?”, Rey asks Ria through sobs and it’s then that she notices that the only one who is crying is her. Ria is dead asleep against her chest, sleeping softly against her chest and that’s when Rey calms down, wiping her tears. “I miss him too…” 

She should bring this up with her therapist. They’d go through this misery of feeling together. 

Rey stands up carefully, walking past the window in the living room to turn off the lights. She tries to maintain her sobs as it becomes dark and she’s about to turn when she sees a black SUV outside her apartment. 

Rey freezes in place, staring at the car with wide eyes when she recognizes it as the same car that stalked her a few days after witnessing the murder. It shines mockingly by the moonlight reflecting it’s light with it’s black, tinted windows and a shiver runs down her spine. 

_ You are being paranoid,  _ she thinks when Ria whimpers in her hold. Rey panics, not wanting to wake the baby up by being alarmed unnecessarily. There are many SUVs in the city. 

Even so, Rey closes the curtains and she slowly goes back to sit on the couch. Staying awake the whole night as she holds Ria tight against her chest.

Rey stares up at the ceiling, eyes half-open and ears on alert. Listening to her child's calm breathing and, for some reason, afraid that it’ll suddenly stop. Just another triggering thought she has, always fearing for her child. Rey didn’t expect that she’d spend more than half the amount of attention on danger around her then she does. Like always checking the wheels of the stroller - afraid that one is loose - or changing her clothes all too often. Scared of her overheating. The constant panic is sucking the energy out of Rey, but what else is new? 

The crib is placed in Rey’s room - by her bed - because one; she doesn’t have a second room in her apartment and two; she refuses to have her sleep anywhere else than beside her. Rey needs to hear her, see hear and most importantly, feel her. 

Ria is finally learning to adapt to sleeping hours, but they only last for so long before she demands something. It’s in the middle of the night and it’s no point in falling into a restless sleep, for Rey knows that she’d have to wake up in a few hours. 

It’s these nights - when the warm winds of the night flow into the room through the cracked window, exhaustion past able to sleep, and a small layer of sweat covers her - that Rey starts to daydream. Unpredictable and unstoppable, like slowly being swallowed in quicksand. It’s centered around what she was before - what she  _ had before -  _ and what is now. 

It’s oftentimes about him. It’s always about him. 

It’s about how much Rey - a lonely orphanage - fought against the universe, who’d made sure she was destined for destruction and misery. Nothing more and nothing less. But Rey couldn’t take a no for an answer, so she swung her fist around like her own baby did as a newborn and hit everything in her way. 

Then  _ he  _ was in her way and she didn’t dare to hit him. 

Well, she did. A few times. It didn’t go well...

Rey closes her eyes, slowly lets her hand drag against her sweaty body before landing on her naked hip and the two scars. The tip of her finger drags against the initials. 

Like a father, he had dragged her by the ear and gave what Rey first thought of as hell. 

Then it suddenly wasn’t. 

No, it became a paradise. Only when he had his good days, of course, but those days were the best. It’s easy to look past the bad ones, when he’d push her against the closest surface and rape her while she cried, but it’s easy to do so when you're in love. 

_ Was  _ in love. 

But what was the actual paradise? It wasn’t the cleaning, nor the cooking. No, it was…

Rey bites her lip, slowly letting her hand go from her hip to the top of her underwear. A habit of sleeping without pants. 

It wasn’t the right kind of attention, but it _was_ attention. And for Rey - poor, lonely Rey - she had taken what she could take, like a starved man at a bufé. She’d had enjoyed it when he’d tell she was his, and she loved it when he praised her for stupid things like being his good girl. But it was attention, and it was connected to the sex and the sex was good _, it was so good!_

A single finger runs between her thighs and Rey whimpers, placing her other hand across her mouth. 

_ Fuck,  _ he had his generous days when he’d take her with his mouth. Lick her dry and drag his filthy tongue across her pussy, look her in the eyes with both his hands wrapped around her thighs. 

_ “You’re mine…”, _ he’d whisper against her and Rey would agree loudly, panting while gripping his full hair - the same color of her daughter’s - in desperation. Then he’d fuck her so good,  _ so so good,  _ in the bed until her legs would quiver and until she screamed his name just like he wanted it. Pump into her body with a grip around her throat and lips against her ear. 

Rey can’t hold herself much longer - fingers sliding under the panties - and she lets out a muffled sound when she’s met by complete wetness. She hasn’t touched herself in a long time and the feeling is extreme. She furrowed her eyebrows, thinking about what her nurse said. No penetration or sex for about 4-6 weeks after the birth, so Rey has to settle with sensual circles on her silky pearl and just one motion tells Rey that she’s already close. 

It’s not odd, the last sexual moment she had was when he came about 5 months ago. And left. 

Just the thought of it causes enormous sadness, so Rey tries not to think of him. But it’s hard when she’s only had one partner in her life and it doesn’t take long before his face pops up on the ‘apparently’ faceless man fucking her. 

It doesn’t take long before their last encounter takes over completely.

He’d taken her hard yet gently, playing with her nipples and caressing her 4-month pregnant stomach like a charm. All while he whispered in her ear. About how she’s his, that she’ll always be his and that she’s a good girl, his good girl,  _ such a good girl. _

He kissed her like prince charming, without the softness though. Just pure, raw emotions - tongue, biting lips and all - and then he’d whispered in her ear. 

Rey twitches, clenching her eyes and whimpering under her palm. 

_ “I love you so fucking much.”  _

It washes over her like a wave - a storm - and Rey’s entire body trembles by the rush of pleasure running through her body, crying into her hand. It’s a few seconds of euphoria, but it’s the best seconds she has had the past few months and it’s all she can have for now. She turns on the bed, curling up on the side as she heaves loudly, knowing it won’t be enough to wake her baby up before letting her hand rest. 

Calming down, Rey thought about how simple life was when she was with him. How much pleasure she’d experience at the house. Why didn’t she just stay? 

Then, Rey opens her hazed eyes and she sees the crib by her bed. Nausea chokes her and so does the guilt. It takes a few seconds and a couple more deep breaths before Rey feels the similar burning behind her eyelids and throat, causing her to swallow pointlessly.

_ Fuck, she’s so disgusting…. What is wrong with her? _

The same man she thought of, spanked her until she couldn't sit, hit her several times, and almost killed her with Ria in her stomach. He almost killed her baby, and her mother is cumming to words that don’t mean anything.  _ Shouldn’t _ mean anything by now, but it does. It still does. 

Rey tries, but she can’t help it. The tears are a mixture of despair and hate for herself that becomes a cocktail and it pours out of Rey like a waterfall. Once again, she has to place a palm over her mouth as she sobs loudly, clenching her eyes and quivering in her bed. Curling into a ball and wishing God would just take her away from here and replace her with a better mother to her daughter. 

Rey cries and wishes for the impossible, all while constantly listening to Ria take her every breath. 

“She is adorable.”, dr Ko Connix smiles, watching the sleeping toddler whine in her sitter by the floor. Rey bought is second-hand, with just a few stains. Otherwise, it’s good as new. 

“I hope it’s okay that I brought her. I couldn’t get anyone to watch her.”  _ She didn’t want anyone to watch her. _ There is just something in Rey that never wants Ria out of her sight, always close and always there. 

“It’s completely fine.” Even her smile seems professional, tight yet uplifting. “Did the birth went well? Are you hurt anywhere?” 

“No, everything was fine. Just long labor.” It didn’t occur to Rey that her voice is hoarse, so she clears her throat and regrets not covering the dark circles under her eyes with concealer. 

“I’m glad.” The therapist leans forward and her smile is gone. Like a switch, she turned into work-mode and even Rey can’t help but to straighten her back and get ready for business. “So Rey. It’s about three weeks ago since you’ve birthed Ria. How has the experience been?” 

Would Rey be a bad mother if she said the truth? Because in movies, the mother’s eyes would always lit up and they would equalize it as a ‘dream’. But those mothers aren’t 20 years old, alone and forced into it. There is no point in lying, especially to Dr. Ko Connix. 

“Hard. I’ve had a lot of help the first week, but the second was…tough.”, Rey mumbles the last, glancing at her sleeping baby. 

“Why was it tough?”

“I just… I feel lonely. I don’t know why, but it just feels as I’ve been more alone now than I’ve been before, now that Ria is born.” Guilt slowly builds itself up her throat. “I… miss him.” 

“Why do you miss him?” Rey raises her eyebrows. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, is there a reason for you to miss him?” Rey is about to open her mouth when nothing but a low noise escapes her throat and she realizes that she can’t answer that question without fully understand her reason either. 

But she tries because what she has learned with her sessions is that every answer is alright and there is no wrong. Nothing she’d say would earn her a slap across the face. It’s crazy that even four months later, how and what she speaks is still something she has in the back of her head. 

“I hated him, at first. I thought he was crazy, a psychopath. Then he stripped me down, all the way down to when I was a scared,  _ lonely,  _ child and that’s when I started to…” Rey swallows. “I know I’m in the right direction to heal, but sometimes, I can’t help but think back. When everything was so…  _ easy. _ When I was so brainwashed and thought that I was his everything. All I had to do was clean, cook and open my legs and he’d be satisfied and when he was, I was the happiest girl. I miss that simple, happy, life. With no crying baby in the middle of the night and therapy sessions telling me that everything that I once thought was good, is the opposite.”

Rey takes a heavy intake, realizing that she has rattled her heart out and the guilt of expressing her exhaustion for her baby slaps her across the face. Eyes start to water and she immediately wants to hug her child sorry, even if the little thing is sleeping soundly in her sitter. 

“And when I start to think like that, I start to doubt myself as a mother.” A sob escapes her parted lips and it’s as everything she has felt the past week just pours out of her in the form of tears like poison. “And then I hate myself for not being good enough for her… My mind continues to think like that and it’s like an endless circle that never ends. And I’m so- so-” 

“Tired. You’re tired.”, Dr. Ko Connix says and Rey nods hurriedly, placing a palm over her weeping eyes. She thinks she might break any second now. 

“I’m so tired…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh. Rey is at a VERY vulnerable position in her life right now. 
> 
> Let us hope that no one will take advantage of it :) 
> 
> ~Lenkia
> 
>   
> My other stories…
> 
> [Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)
> 
> [Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- One-shot. Dark, Robbery, smut. 
> 
> [A String Attached To Your Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145/chapters/50917576) \- Looong story. Soulmate-AU. 
> 
> [Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.
> 
> [The Mad Empress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613834/chapters/59461759) \- ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe... well this is awkward... 
> 
> No, but seriously, I'm so sorry for the late chapter! I've been super busy and I will be much busier in the upcoming future. I try to write during my small breaks and I've managed to finally finish this long chapter (I've not read it through though, so mind any mistakes! Will fix it tomorrow)
> 
> Now please enjoy and love you all!! XOXO

Dr. Ko Connix says that she should go out if she wants to help her loneliness. Socialize. Be surrounded by people who love her. For example; family. 

But it’s hard when you don’t have a family. 

It’s even harder when everyone you count as the closest thing to the family is busy. Finn’s at college, Poe’s chasing criminals, Paige’s serving coffee, and Rose’s in NY. Everyone is lost in life, and that applies - most importantly - to Rey herself. 

It’s as if she can’t sit for a moment before her daughter demands like her father once behaved. If Ria can’t get her wants right away, she becomes angry and throws her fists around with loud wails joining their party of two. 

It’s milk, it’s attention, is changing diapers, it’s taking a bath, it’s sleep. It’s always something new and Rey  _ never  _ thought that this is motherhood. 

_ Why would anyone do this willingly? _

But sometimes, the hell of emotions and depression Rey goes through is not always. 

No, sometimes there are moments when everything is calm - like now. When Ria is sleeping with a nipple in her mouth and sucking lazily in the August day. It’s those calm moments - with the sun shining through the windows and corn of dust dance around the air - that Rey smiles full-hearted and feel such happiness bloom inside of her at the sight of her chubby infant in her arms. It’s a mixture of love and complete adoration, but mostly; pride. 

That she, she did  _ this.  _ This beautiful, adorable, and precious child. All those ultrasounds and constant palms across her bump - dreaming of what she would look like - is no more. The infant on the pictures and in her abdomen is here in her embrace and she’s  _ amazing.  _ Ria may demand, but Rey is so happy to give the way she was  _ supposed _ to be treated as a child. The infant is so innocent and she’s completely unaware of its surrounding and father's crimes. 

All Ria knows is her mother, the safety of Rey’s presence. Because she has been inside of her and heard her heartbeat the way Rey hears hers. That is Ria’s safety and nothing else. 

How is that not the most amazing thing that has happened to Rey? 

_ Ah…  _ Rey thinks, kissing the sleeping child’s head against her chest for the 100th of time today.  _ This is why people do this willingly.  _

There is a sudden knock on the door and Rey furrowed her eyebrows in surprise, glancing at the clock on the wall. It’s around lunch, usually the time when Poe has his breaks and decides to visit for a few minutes before heading back to work. Rey doesn’t question the sudden knock. Instead, it’s an excitement that spreads inside of her. 

Like Pavlov's dogs, Rey’s mouth already starts to water by the cinnamon rolls Dameron probably got her and she hurries to the bedroom where she slowly detaches Makaria’s sleeping form from her embrace and places her by the fluffy, white pillows in her crib. The infant whines - clenching her eyes and raising her arms in protest - and Rey wince before calming when seeing her baby realize that’s she’s too tired to fight over this too. 

_ Stubborn little thing.  _

As Rey stretch her arms over her head, she walks towards the door and glance at the mirror hanging in the hallway. Her hair is still wet and in a bun from the 3-minute shower she managed to take and her bare, freckle-filled face glows after a successful night of sleep. The circles still lurk under her eyes like shadows, but it is nothing make-up and a few sessions of therapy cannot fix. Like the tired, teenage mother she is, a black baggy T-shirt and leggings are the only thing she wears but Poe is never the one to judge. 

As Rey places her hand on the handle, she can help but feel a sort of satisfaction for the first time in months. It’s not just the fact that Makaria is finally accepting Rey’s way of mothering alone or that she’s finally learning to adapt to sleeping hours after one month off hell. It’s the fact that it’s starting to go in the right direction. The fallback she had six months ago is slowly fading to memory and Rey feels herself growing back to the once healed woman she once was before he came and ruined it. 

It’s starting to look good for her, Rey realizes with a small smile as she opens the door. 

And then everything - the giddiness and proudness she just felt - is slaughtered the moment she sees him in front of her. 

It’s also the same knife that cuts her windpipe - the way her breath suddenly disappears - when the sudden shock of expecting Poe but seeing  _ him  _ instead. A loud gasp escapes her parted lips and her eyes widen in fright, which only causes him to smirk. 

Of course, his two giants stand behind him like they’re ready for a fight whenever, wherever. In black suits that match his, but his suits are somewhat ever darker. Just as his cold soul. Even with his plump lips in an amusing smile, she can see the poison that lurks in his eyes. It’s the same poison Rey had intoxicated herself with willingly about six months ago, but now - after all the heartbreak and depression he has caused her - it scares and intimidated her. 

His hair is the same length as it was when he had kissed her neck - the tips caressing her skin like feathers - and the fact that he had time to get a haircut but not visit once since he left causes such fire of hate to burn in her. But it only mixes with the raging fear that seems to grow faster the longer she stares at him. 

Her legs are shaking in fright, Rey realizes when she takes a jump back, trying to close the door hard in despair. It’s a stupid move to make, but Rey is in full mode panic. The fact that she has a child she needs to protect causes instincts to act on autopilot and it’s always her damn instincts that causes her trouble. Just as when she had begged for mercy in the forest under his lurking gaze and screamed Finn's name in his bed. 

Her fingertips don’t even manage to touch the lock before a palm slaps against the wooden door. Rey shrieks when he slams the door open with such force that causes her body to stumble backward and she is not surprised to see the amusement from before vanish - only terrified. 

“Please…”, she whimpers when he suddenly stepped into her apartment, closing the door after him and leaving his guards behind. The way he slams it is almost mockingly - as if he’s showing her that it’s only  _ him _ that’s allowed to close doors in faces. 

Rey doesn’t know what’s she’s begging for, but it must be the fear that he’ll come in once again and ruin everything. Even after he told her that he loves her made nothing change, so if it isn’t love he’s here for then it’s pleasure. 

And Rey knows that he doesn’t take a no for an answer.

The thought causes her to tremble violently and she hasn’t realized that her weak legs have backed away from him on their own until her back meets the wall behind her. Her neck bends up more the closer he creeps up to her and she’s forgotten how  _ big  _ he is. There are only inches between his head and the ceiling and biceps seem wider than before. His shadow swallows her whole - coming towards her like a predator and she’s the defenseless prey. 

Her eyes start to water when he suddenly stands way too close. Hovering over her and showing clearly that she  _ can’t  _ escape. Her heart may jump out of her chest, the way it hits her rib cage harder for the seconds.

Rey closes her eyes, lips quivering when his wide palm cups her cheek, and soon she feel his nose drag against the skin of her neck. His warm breath makes it tickle but it doesn’t cause any kind of excitement that it usually does - only the opposite. 

He takes a heavy inhale of her scent and the sudden action causes Rey to whimper startled. 

“P-please…”, she sobs once again and then his nose slowly drags it’s way against her skin upwards, towards her lips. 

She can feel his caress hers and before he leans in completely, Rey turns her head, and the surprisingly soft kiss lands on her cheek beautifully instead. Afraid what it might lead to, Rey closes her eyes and waits for the consequences.

“Why the long face, my dear Rey of sunshine?” His voice,  _ his damn voice.  _ How can a voice open so many wounds and lock up such dark memories, yet turn her underwear wet? The pet name he uses for her causes her to shiver violently, together with his soft tone. It’s the calm before the storm, Rey knows it, but the sickening question provokes her just the way he wants it. 

Rey swallows, refusing to meet his eyes and the same anger that hides under her fear manages to peek out even through wet eyes.

“You don’t get to kiss me…”, she mumbles quietly, sounding so weak and heartbroken and she curses herself for it.

It’s quiet for a long time. Rey has still yet to face him and she doesn’t know if seeing his expression or not is the scariest. The dread only becomes worse when the hand not cupping her cheek suddenly lands on her waist - almost innocently - and Rey can’t help but to tense every muscle in panic. 

The clock hanging on the wall in the living room is the only sound filling the air and so is the sound of his thumb making small circles against her T-shirt.

“Is that so?”, he whispers, causing Rey to shiver once again but she’s quick to respond this time. Refuses to sound - or become - weak for him. Refuses to let his soft voice and gentle touches affect her. 

“Yes.” 

“Look at me.”, he demands and something like nausea, fear, and annoyance fill Rey’s shaking body. 

“No.”

It’s the wrong answer and the loving palm cupping her cheek becomes wicked in half a second. His grips tighten and Rey cries loudly when he pushed her face to the side - forcing her to face him - and their eyes meet immediately.

He stares down at her as if she’s his worst enemy - annoyed that his hard work of turning her into his customized doll is gone - and Rey would’ve to spit on his face like she did the first time if she wasn’t almost fainting in fear. 

With their faces inches from each other, Rey sees him properly for the first time after 6 months and apart from the darkness lurking in his eyes, she notices how worn his skin is - whispering of his age - and it’s now that Rey actually questions how it is that a man almost two decades older than her, affects her so much? 

Is it daddy issues? Her therapist mentioned something like that. That the absence of parents and Kylo’s possessive way of treating her - after destroying and then re-raising her - caused such a strong effect on her. Caused her to depend on him more. 

It’s suddenly so clear. Knowing your own mentality - being aware - makes one so much stronger and Rey swears on her dead body that now - now that she’s no longer blind - she  _ won’t _ let him affect her anymore. 

“Watch your tone.”, he hisses through clenched teeth and Rey cries in frustration, - because no, _no_ she doesn’t want to go back to that \- trying to jerk her body away from him, but his grip only tightens around her. Her hand snatch his wrist by her cheek, but he’s hard as steel and Rey suddenly can’t breathe

“Let. Me. Go-” Before she knows it, the palm that was resting on her waist is suddenly on her abdomen in an attempt to restrain her and Rey feel herself freeze when his body stills, every muscle through his suit tenses. 

Rey’s eyes widen when she sees his face - the realization in his expression - that her stomach is now flat again and it’s as if they are both suddenly reminded. Something like pure dread causes her to gasp because she doesn’t want him near her baby at all. She doesn’t even want him to see her and that is why she feels panic.

Because when his eyes turn dark, - targeted - Rey knows that there is nothing that can stop him now. 

It’s as if her daughter can sense her distress, for it’s just at that moment that Makaria decides to cry for her mother. 

His face turns to the source of the sound like a lion and the despair in her overflows in seconds like a cup under a waterfall when he suddenly starts to walk towards her bedroom. It’s as someone poured ice-cold water right over her burning body and something animal in Rey takes over when she suddenly takes a hard grip of his hand and snatch him backward. 

“No, no no no!”, Rey screams, trying to drag him away. He stumbles backward lightly and sends her a glare that scares her half to death, but he can kill her for all she cares, as long as he just leaves  _ her _ alone! “Kylo please, leave her alone!”

“Let go of me, Rey. Don’t fucking test me.”, he practically growls and Rey truly doesn’t want to when his eyes glimmer with the infamous anger of his, but she refuses to let go, she refuses,  _ she refuses!  _ Her breaths barely escape her lungs and her tears flow out of her eyes when Ria’s cryings turn louder. 

_ She’s screaming for her mom! _

“Leave her alone- No!” Her voice becomes wild when Kylo suddenly snatches his arm from Rey’s grip, but before he even manages to take a step forward, Rey stands in his path and throws her fists against him crazed. “No no,  _ no! _ ” 

She can’t see or hear anything. She’s blinded by tears and deaf by the sounds of her cries and her daughters, yet she scratches with her nails and punches with her fists with all she got like a wild animal. Rey thinks she hears Kylo say something, tries to grip her wrists, but she doesn’t care. She hates herself for being this weak, for being so small and fragile under his dark shadow and for not being able to protect her daughter from the psychopath that is her father. 

Coldness suddenly hits her face and Rey wail with despair when she realizes that he has her pressed against the wall with both her arms tight in his grip behind. Rey trashes her body and she screams her daughter's name, realizing that she’s having a full-on panic attack the way her breaths barely manage to leave through sobs. 

“Gentlemen.”, she hears Kylo says with a strained, exhausted voice, still pressing her body into the wall. He sounds almost bored. “Give her something to calm down. She’s had a rough day.” 

Then suddenly a cloth covers her nose and one deep inhale is enough to knock her down deep into unconsciousness. 

The same way Rey got knocked out, is the same way she wakes up. With panic. 

The moment her eyes open, a loud gasp escaped her lips and she sits straight up. Simply staring in reverie and gripping the cushion under her for dear life as her heart pump faster by seconds. It takes several moments for her brain to function and when it does, she immediately notices that she’s in her living room. On the couch. Not alone. 

Rey’s head snaps to the side and her breath hitches when she sees Kylo sit perfectly still on the matching armchair. His long legs outstretched and eyes completely stuck on the baby in his arms, a massive palm resting under Makaria’s head. 

The way he looks at her - with an unreadable, hard face - causes Rey to panic and fear isn’t even equal to what she feels right now. Her eyes are wide, her breathing increases and she knows that another panic attack is to set if she doesn’t get her baby,  _ she has to get her baby!  _ Even if Ria seems perfectly fine and restful in his arms, it doesn’t calm Rey one bit.

Whatever Rey inhaled is still flowing in her system, so when she jumps to her feet she almost stumbles into the closest wall. A hard grip on the armrest saves her and she manages to maintain balance with a whimper, clenching her eyes hard. 

_ Her head hurts so much! _

“You wouldn’t calm down.”, he says, still hasn’t broken his gaze on his daughter. Rey raises her head slowly, feeling the anger rise in her like a wave at the fact that he fucking drugged her just so he could hold Ria. But nothing compares to the anger that Rey feels for herself, to think that she had yearned for this man - this awful, sick man - and  _ missed _ him. 

Is  _ this _ what she has missed?

Rey takes two long shaky steps before she’s standing by the armchair and she can’t help but notice the way Kylo doesn’t even acknowledge her. It’s like Ria has put a spell on him, the way Kylo - who’s always ready to dominate his surrounding - doesn’t even look up at Rey who's coming towards him like a bull. He’s just staring at his daughter with nothing but apathy on his face like he’s wondering what to do with her. 

He’d stared at Rey like that too.

“Give her to me!”, Rey hisses and how much she despises touching Kylo, it’s necessary for she has to take her child away from him. As gently as possible, she almost snatches the baby from his embrace and it’s a betray when Makaria immediately starts to whimper after her father. 

The spell is broken and Kylo looks up at Rey who hugs her baby tight to her chest, kissing her head and placing a shaky palm under her neck. Even if he’s simply staring at her, Rey can’t help but feel that he’s mocking her - the way Ria starts to cry after him - and her eyes waters uncontrollably. 

“You’re fucking sick!”, Rey cries with bared teeth before hurrying to her bedroom, where she closes the door hard. 

Rey stares into the crib, where Ria is sleeping peacefully. She’s just been feed, but Rey hasn’t dared to leave the bedroom yet. She’s afraid that he’ll still be there in the living room, even after she’s been hiding here for half an hour and wait for her. 

What does he want? Why is he here? Those questions are the only thing that spins around in Rey’s mind and how easy wouldn’t it be if she just had the guts to walk out and ask? 

In fact, why doesn’t she? This is her apartment, he won’t scare her away from this too. This is all she has, this is her home. 

He won’t take away the place she calls home a second time. 

Rey stands up, taking a few slow steps before placing a trembling hand on the handle. 

Rey straightens her back and she opens. 

He’s still there. Sitting on the armchair with a fist resting under his chin and eyes immediately on her. As if his eyes had been stuck on the door the moment she slammed it after herself and Rey can’t help but sweat nervously at his hungry gaze. 

Once again, the only sounds filling the room are the clock hanging on the wall and it seems way too loud. 

“What are you doing here?”, Rey finally asks, voice small and strained. He has a motive, he has to because why else would he be here? He didn’t seem to be bothered to visit her or his baby once, but he does now. Out of nowhere. 

_ Why is he here?  _

“Makaria.”, Kylo says instead, ignoring her question beautifully as he stands up. Stretching his arms, causing the Rolex on his wrist to shine perfectly with the help of the afternoon sun shining through the windows. “What a creative name.” 

Rey’s face burns up and her hands turn into trembling fists. 

“What are you  _ doing here?” _ , she asks once again, anger seeping through her voice. Losing patience and tired of fearing for him to attack. The man is unpredictable, dangerous and everything Rey can not have right now. Not when she has a child to protect and herself to heal.

Kylo stares at her - simply stare at her for minutes - before slowly peeling off his blazer. Rey’s breath hitch and it’s exactly what Rey meant with unpredictable, his fucking ups-and-downs that she never manages to catch on with - probably because she’s too sane. 

Rey is about to panic - afraid that he might try for  _ something _ \- when he lifts his shirt. But instead, her eyes widen and the scream she’s about to wail is suddenly stuck in her throat. 

There is a bandaged wound just by the side of his abdomen. It’s big and Rey never thought she’d see Kylo hurt. He’s untouchable. 

“I was attacked yesterday.”, he explains, putting his shirt back on place together with the blazer. “Shot by Hux’s men.” 

“ _ Hux’s? _ ”, Rey repeats shocked, her voice small and scared - hasn’t heard that wicked name in months. Kylo nods, his hands resting in his pockets and face unbelievable calm for having a fresh gun wound.

“He wasn’t… let’s say  _ happy _ . With the way I ruled the First Order after Snoke. Many weren’t. So he created the Top Order with the rest of the traitors. They’re already handling business in the city.” 

Rey’s eyes widen, thinking about what Poe said the other day over the phone. A new organization has been rumored to be found in the city, causing him to be so caught up on work and not be able to visit. 

So the rumor is true. And it’s Hux’s group. 

“Why are you telling me this?”, Rey asks her voice almost in a whisper the way she starts to dread what Kylo might say next. 

“Because I’ve realized two things after the ambush.“ His eyes become small, darker, and filled with awful anger. “You are not safe here. Hux wants me gone, and he’ll do anything to get a hold of me. That includes hurting you or the child.” 

It’s as if every sense in Rey’s body shuts down, and only a small, shrieking sound rings in her ears. She stares at him dumbfounded, trying to process Kylo’s words but it’s hard when her brain has stopped to work and her heart stopped to beat.

The only thing Rey wished for, was to keep her baby safe but she can’t even have that. The universe can’t even give her that.

Before yet another panic attack hits her, Kylo raises his voice. 

“I’ll protect you.”, he says, startling her. “The house, it’ll be guarded. 24/7 by my most loyal men. You’ll be safe there.” 

Rey snorts - even if not a single fucking thing is funny - but the house? The house where he had thrown her down the basement, pushed her head underwater in the bathroom, cut her skin in the bedroom, spanked her purple in the living room, and raped her against every surface? 

No. No, she won’t step a single step in there. She won’t, over her dead  _ fucking _ body that she’d actually do it. Just the thought of seeing it causes her to already hyperventilate.

But… how will she be safe? She won’t be safe here, not when Hux knows where she lives and Rey doesn’t even think that he’ll spare her. He hates Kylo - their rivalry was clear from the start - and if there is one thing Hux wants, it's to get a hold of him. 

It’s a mess in Rey’s head and the stress causes her eyes to water once again. It seems that whatever Rey does, it’s for no good. Just like the way Kylo knocked her out with one inhale - so easily, so simple. No matter how much she throws her fists and screams, there is no point. 

“What’s the second thing?”, Rey mumbles depressed, swallowing tensely. Kylo becomes quiet and Rey already knows that she won’t like what she has to hear - the way he stares at her for moments before straightening his back and look out the window. 

“I need an heir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My other stories…
> 
> [Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)
> 
> [Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- One-shot. Dark, Robbery, smut. 
> 
> [A String Attached To Your Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145/chapters/50917576) \- Looong story. Soulmate-AU. 
> 
> [Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.
> 
> [The Mad Empress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613834/chapters/59461759) \- ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I love you soo much! The love I get in the comments warms my heart and it just makes my day! Thank you so much and enjoy this chapter <333
> 
> This chapter begins right where we left off! ;))

A quiet 30 seconds go by before Rey can open her mouth. It takes about another 30 seconds for her to say something.

A strange sound is the only thing that manages to escape her parted lips. 

Kylo seems to understand the sudden shock of hers - sighing and placing his hands behind his back carefree - before staring out the window. The sun is setting beautifully and the sky covers him with a sheet of sunset-red. 

At that moment, there was nothing that could make it more clear that Kylo Ren is the devil himself - in the form of a human body and covered with a luring handsomeness. Standing in Rey’s living room and claiming the most shocking thing there is while still looking so oddly calm. 

Another 30 seconds goes by - strangled sounds filling the room - before Rey finally manages to create words. One word. 

“...What?” 

“The First Order is at risk. Yesterday, I could’ve died and my legacy would have gone to the hands of someone else. My empire and hard work would have been for nothing.”, he calmly explains, as if he’s talking about the weather the way he stares at the sunset. “I wouldn’t mind a woman as the next leader. In fact, I find them much more capable to lead. A woman of power is unstoppable. Unfortunately, the council doesn’t approve - only men are allowed to inherit.”

Before Rey can scream at him about what _ fucking council he’s talking about _ , he turns his head towards her and his stare is ice cold - deadly serious - and Rey’s wail is stuck in her throat. The way he looks at her causes her body to shiver violently and it’s not only out of fear anymore. No, it’s a sense of acknowledgment. Waiting for the explanation to get somewhere so the bomb can be dropped. 

“I need a boy - an heir - to take over as the next leader of my empire.” His eyes become darker and even if he won’t finish the sentence, Rey understands. She understands so clearly. 

The bomb is dropped. 

Rey was shocked before, but what she is now, is almost indescribable. It’s a silence in her brain that somehow scares her more than what too many screaming voices does and Rey surprise herself when she starts to laugh. 

She starts to chuckle, hands clutching her abdomen and lips curling almost into a grimace.

This time, there is no playing stupid and wishing that what he implies won’t be what she dreads. No, no this time it’s clear - he is clear. 

“Are- are you saying that I’ll birth  _ another _ baby for you? For your  _ legacy? For the First Order?! _ ”, Rey chuckles, placing a trembling palm over her mouth. Feeling her eyes water. “Are you  _ serious _ ?”

Kylo continues to stare at her and not a single movement on his face and not a single sound tell her that he’s joking around - there is no joking around with him. The humor in this all - the humor Rey somewhat finds in this miserable situation - slowly turns into pain and anger - just like her laughter falter and becomes sobs instead, teeth-gritting.

“What the  _ fuck! _ ”, she screams, stomping her foot to the ground and the impact of the hard surface doesn’t hurt at all. Her body is numb and burning, she can’t think or see clearly, flames covering her sight. “You actually think that you can leave for half a year, come back and tell me to birth another child - for  _ your legacy? _ ” 

Kylo is nevertheless quiet and that somehow angers her more. 

“No,  _ no _ !”, Rey cries, pointing a finger towards him and it shakes violently. “I’ll never do  _ anything _ for you! How  _ dare _ you- You’re sick in the head, Kylo! Leave my damn apartment or I swear I’ll call Rose right now-”

“Oh, Rey.”, Kylo sighs, shaking his head and interrupting her mid-threat. What causes Rey to turn quiet is his calming tone, unaffected by her words. “You talk as if your and Makaria’s life doesn’t depend on it…” 

Rey opens her mouth - ready to ask him what the hell he’s talking about - before her question stays on her tongue and realization hits her instead. It hits her hard too, for her heart stops to beat and her eyes widen slightly. Because of course, he’s always a step ahead of her and he’s always ready to strike. Like a venomous snake lurking its way slowly into her life and then giving her no choice but to run. 

But he has already lurched forward and managed to bite. 

Rey swallows, her trembling fingers curling into fists and eyelids starting to twitch. 

“You won’t protect us if I don’t give you an heir…”

It’s not a question and by Kylo’s satisfied nod, it’s the right conclusion too. 

“You’re not safe here, Rey. You know that.”, he says, raising his head slightly, challenging. ”You’re a smart girl. Give me a boy, and I’ll give you and the child safety.” 

Just seconds ago, Rey had wanted to scream at him and maybe even kill him if she had the chance. Hell, she even regrets that she didn’t pull the trigger when she pressed that gun against his chest almost a year ago. But now, all she can do is stare at him with blank eyes, and even though the whole conversation and its purpose are so fucked up, there is only one question floating in her head - that doesn’t matter at this moment.

But Rey  _ is _ fucked up too. She’s selfish and she can’t  _ let go. _

“Why me?”, Rey whispers, swallowing nervously before raising her voice slightly. “Why  _ me? _ ”

The question itself is short, but the meaning is big. Why he won’t go and impregnate some other woman instead of her, but Rey already has a suspicion that she dreads to hear. 

Yet it seems to be just that, for Kylo’s eyes become small and anger seems to spike out of his every pore. Probably embarrassed - the way he let his guard down and confessed that one night - and every emotion inside the giant of a man can only become anger. Happiness becomes rage and sadness the same. It seems that’s the only way he functions. The complete opposite of Rey herself. 

“You already  _ know _ why.”, he hisses, as if she’s offended him. But the only one offended is Rey and her lower lips start to quiver, eyes watering once again. 

“Is that why you left me?”, she spits, baring her teeth. “Is that what you do the woman  _ you love?!”  _

“Don’t raise your voice at me...”, Kylo mumbles, darkly. Taking a predatory step towards her and Rey didn’t realize he stood so close until he’s looming over her. “I had to handle some business away.”

His voice lowers as if trying to be caring, but it only causes it to sound like a threat. 

“Everything I do is for you and our daughter.” 

There is something in Rey that just  _ snaps  _ the way he describes her baby - suddenly _theirs_ when he had no part of it the last half-year. Describes his absence as a sacrifice in a way Rey wants nothing to do with.

She doesn’t want him in her daughter's life and she doesn’t want his business in it too.

“I don’t care- you left me!”, Rey cries, pointing a finger against her chest completely broken. “I pushed out a baby for 16 hours and you come out of nowhere and ask for  _ another?  _ I'm not a fucking baby-machine! I don’t want any of your shit to be involved with us-”

“It already is.”, Kylo once again interrupts, and Rey becomes silent. He stares down at her, eyes locking. Teeth bared. “The moment you gave yourself to me in that forest, you were involved. The moment you promised me everything.”

It’s completely quiet, except for Rey’s heavy breathing and anger boiling in her. She slowly raises herself on her toes, face closing into his and eyes turning smaller in spite. 

“And I gave you  _ everything _ .”, she hisses. “Now leave my fucking apartment.” 

The sound of the clock fills the living room, together with the tense and dreading silence that plays with it. If looks could kill, then it would be Rey’s stare that'd slaughter Kylo in instants. 

His eyes search hers, staring straight at her. 

“Do you realize what this means?”

Yes, yes she knows what this means. The ultimatum he gave her would no longer count. He tried to play his game with her, but he lost severely and even though Rey won’t be protected from Hux’s men, nothing else in that moment made sense but to pretend that what Kylo says is a lie. 

Yes, he’s a fucking liar. There is no one after her and if there were, she rather is killed by them then birth another baby for Kylo and let her children be involved in his businesses. She rather gets killed then destroy innocent lives and not be able to protect them from their father’s madness. 

Rey is a good mother. The only protection she needs is the one from  _ him. _

“I know  _ exactly _ what this means.” 

  
  


A week flies by and every day that goes, Rey is more convinced that Kylo lied to her. 

It must be it because nothing has happened so far. No signs of threats, no one is stalking her and the black SUV outside her window is there  _ all _ the time, so it must be one of her neighbor's cars parked by the building. Right?

Every time Rey went out to buy some diapers at the supermarket or order food at restaurants, she glanced around her surroundings several times to find nothing but tired teenager working at the end of summer and hungry customers. As the day went by, her suspicion drops and anger rises.

Here she is, looking like a maniac staring at innocent people - suspecting them - because of him. A fucking liar that wants to scare her just so he can use her womb.

_ She is so stupid to actually have believed him. _

Sure, he showed her the gunshot wound, but she isn’t surprised if he shot himself to prove his point. It’s the same man that killed someone in an alleyway openly and strangled a pregnant woman. 

It’s also the same man Rey once loved. 

She doesn’t love him anymore. 

“Why are her cheeks so chubby? They are so chubby!”, Poe asks overly-excited, rocking the baby in his embrace as Rey comes back to reality. Chuckling at the sight of Poe babying her daughter overdramatically. 

Today, Makaria is a month old and Poe - being the only one in town - wanted to celebrate by treating Rey with coffee. Rose and Finn sent their wishes through phone calls, but Rey still misses them. Yet she appreciates Poe taking her out - it’s as the only thing that Rey has been doing is repeating her and Kylo’s fight in her head over and over again.

She doesn’t love him anymore. Even if he claimed that he still loves her, - in the form of wanting to impregnate _her_ and not someone else - Rey doesn’t any longer. What she once wished and prayed for has no meaning, and Rey is finally satisfied with herself. Proud of her work. Even Dr. Ko Connix noticed - complimenting her happy energy. But Rey hasn’t told her about Kylo’s visit. 

It feels too…. personal. 

She needs to get distracted and Poe taking them both out couldn’t be better. 

“Of course you took us to Jakku.”, Rey sighs, smiling at Poe while sipping on the last of her drink and glance around her workplace. The place is half-filled with customers and poor Paige is running around behind the counter where they used to eat muffins secretly. Many wouldn’t be happy to come to work on their free day, but Rey can’t help but feel that a piece of her is this place. She loves to make coffee, loves her boss, and loves her colleagues. 

Rey basically grew up here and if she thinks about it, this place is a bit like home. It causes her to smile. 

“I don’t know what you give to a one-month-old baby!”, Poe grimace, rocking the sleeping child in his arms a bit fast but Ria doesn’t seem to mind. “I figured out that a happy mother is what they enjoy.”

“How about a trip to Paris? From what I’ve heard, babies apparently _loves_ that!”, Rey exaggerates, causing Poe to laugh as they both stand up - getting ready to leave. 

They’ve been here for an hour or so - catching up and talking old high school memories from about 5 years ago. Rey even managed to ask a few questions about the new criminal organization, but Poe claimed that there was nothing to worry about. They can’t be connected, because what Poe can tell, the new group work much more violently apart from the First Order who is diligent and discreet. It’s a comfort to hear that. 

“Let’s take a walk down the street.”, Poe suggests with Ria against his chest, Rey winking to Paige bye as she pushes the stroller towards the front door. “They’ve fixed that old park now, really pretty.” 

“Oh, that sounds lovely!”, Rey says over her shoulder to the officer, feeling excited about finally seeing something new. 

Dr. Ko Connix was right, it’s good to socialize. Rey hasn’t felt depressed in a long time - nor scared - and Kylo’s awful request is now just a ridiculous memory. Being with Poe and just talk about anything distracts her so well and she’s so thankful that he made time for her today - poor guy is so busy nowadays. 

“We have to enjoy the last of summer-” Rey is about to finish her sentence when she suddenly hears a shriek of tires. 

With half the stroller out the front door of Jakku Café, Rey sees the road outside her workplace, and normally, cars usually drive there. On the road. 

Not on the sidewalk. 

Everything happens to fast. Rey sees a car gas towards her,  _ driving _ towards her and almost running over several innocent walkers on the way. They throw their bodies down the ground in panic, office workers and elderly screaming in terror, and the sound of wailing tires seems to get closer and closer towards Rey. All she can do is stare with wide eyes and dropped jaw at the vehicle and something in her mind is screaming, knowingly. 

_ No, no no don’t come my way, don’t tell me it’s true, no, don’t don’t dont- _

But it’s a black SUV - the one which has been outside her window for weeks now - and before Rey knows it, she jumps backward just in time. Landing on her backside hard as she witnesses the hood of the car completely wreck the stroller in its way before gassing and fleeing. 

It rings in Rey’s ears, and as a drama movie, the only thing she hears is her own slowed-down breaths. She thinks she hears screams and panic cries, but it’s muffled like she’s underwater. People asking if there is a baby in the stroller, if someone is hurt and if someone has called the cops. Running around the place like headless chickens and even Poe is by Rey’s side. Asking if she’s alright and if she’s hurt as Ria - who slept restfully in Poe’s arms - now cries in alarm. Not understanding that if Rey had put her in that stroller, she would’ve been-

Rey stares at the flattened stroller in front of her and fear is not equal to the fright she feels right now. 

The door to the apartment is locked. Windows are shut tight and the curtains are drawn, not a single ray of sunshine seeping through. Every lamp is turned off, and in the corner of the bedroom sits Rey with her daughter tight against her chest. 

Rey does nothing but cry. The corner is surrounded by diapers and blankets, for she has not left it once since that day. Not slept since that day. The phone vibrates by her side, her friends calling but Rey can’t answer because she needs to listen after footsteps. If the doorknob will slowly turn in the middle of the night, or if someone will break through a window. 

And if that happens, what the fuck will she do then? 

Rey curses herself. She curses herself that she let herself accept the fact that she had a baby when she can’t even protect it. Rey is a bad mother, she is the worst of them all and poor Makaria should just have been sent to some orphanage but Rey is too selfish -  _ she is so selfish  _ \- because she can’t let her child suffer the way she did. 

But what kind of life is this?

_ They’re going to get me,  _ she thinks, hyperventilating and crying into her baby’s soft head.  _ They’re going to get me. And they’re going to kill us. They’re going to kill my baby!  _

How many hours have gone by since that day? How many days has she been hiding in the corner? When was the last time she took a shower, and when did she last sleep?

When did she last eat? 

Everything is dizzy. Her cheeks cramp and her eyes are so swollen and tender, but her tears can’t stop running and the world around her spins and every sound causes her to scream and push Ria closer to her chest. The poor child doesn’t understand, hasn’t seen sunlight for days, and just sleeps and drinks milk as tears rain over her. 

It’s no point telling her friends or call the cops. What the fuck will they do, if they don’t have evidence? They’ll question how Rey knows of this, turn the whole thing against her and it’ll only put herself in more trouble. And Poe - poor Poe - can’t defend her against a group of murders alone. They’ll kill him immediately. They hate cops, they hate them!

Her behind hurts, numb after sitting for so long and legs yearning to be stretched, but Rey just stuffs herself to deeply into the corner she can, knowing that no one can kill her from behind. It’s fucking ridiculous and she knows that if they won’t kill her from behind, they’ll do it facing her. 

Rey knows that she’ll eventually look dead into Hux’s eyes. 

Her trembling body causes almost the walls to shake and her quiet cries are interrupted when she suddenly hears the front door open slowly - the front door she remembers locking tightly - and Rey clenches her eyes, pushing the sleepy baby tighter against her chest and flinching violently by the sound of the door slamming shut. 

Not wanting anyone to hear the shot that’ll kill them off.

_ They’re going to get me,  _ Rey repeats through weeps, as heavy footsteps come closer towards the bedroom.  _ They’re going to get me - kill us - they’re going to get me, kill me - kill us - Makaria, I’m sorry, I’m sorry baby, it’s all my fault it’s my fault my fault my fault my fault- _

A loud, sarcastic, sigh is heard from the threshold of her bedroom.

“Oh, sunshine.”

Rey never thought that his voice would be yearned for. She never thought that his voice - the one she feared so deeply - would now be the sound of safety. But it doesn’t calm her panic state of mind one bit. She continues to cry against her baby, can’t open her clenched eyes, and can’t stop hyperventilating at all. 

_ They’re going to kill me, they’re going to kill my baby - my poor baby. _

She is so gone in her own bubble of fear - caused by stress, lack of sleep, and energy - that she doesn’t even notice that she’s talking out loud. Doesn't even hear him walk towards her. 

Soon she feels him kneel to her level and a wide palm cup her head, pressing her face into his shirt. It’s ruined in seconds - covered with snot and tears - but Kylo doesn’t seem to mind one bit. Rey hiccups and sobs into his embrace, continuing whisper to herself;

_ My baby, my baby, my poor baby…. _

Ria is sleeping peacefully against their hearts. 

“Oh, Rey. My dear Rey of sunshine.” His voice sounds so wicked, so evil. Childishly comforting her, as if he’s satisfied that he was right. Rey doesn’t even acknowledge it. Her world is spinning. “You’ll be safe with me, dear. Just have to give me a beautiful baby boy.”

Rey’s eyes flicker, calming slightly by the only word she can hear among the rest of the letters she can’t make sense of. 

_ Safe.  _

“You’ve always been a smart girl, Rey.”, Kylo mumbles. “Don’t risk our daughter's life because of your selfishness.” 

Rey sobs by his words loudly, hugging her baby tighter. She’s selfish, she’s so selfish. She doesn’t want to risk her daughter's life anymore. She won’t ever do that again. 

A stiff nod against his chest is enough. Kylo sighs satisfied once again, hugging her harder. Suffocatingly.

“Mhm…”, he hums pleased, petting Rey’s greasy hair lovingly. The devil dragging it’s sharp nails through a bunny's fur. “I knew you’d make the right decision, Rey. You’re such a good mother, baby. My good girl...” 

Rey closes her eyes, slumped against his chest defeated.

He always gets it his way…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My other stories…
> 
> [Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)
> 
> [Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- One-shot. Dark, Robbery, smut. 
> 
> [A String Attached To Your Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145/chapters/50917576) \- Looong story. Soulmate-AU. 
> 
> [Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.
> 
> [The Mad Empress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613834/chapters/59461759) \- ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've just started college and the writer's block was just the icInG oF tHe caKe
> 
> but finally, I managed to finish this chapter so please enjoy !!

“What do you mean with ‘taking a break’?!”, Finn shrieks through the phone, causing Rey to swallow nervously as she glances at the guard sitting in the front seat next to the driver. He’s wearing black glasses, staring straight ahead of him on the road - impossible to read his facial expression, yet Rey knows he’s listening to report her every word to Kylo later. 

He allowed her access to the internet, and even the phone. Call your friend as much as you want. 

_ “But don’t do anything  _ stupid _ , sunshine. Okay?” _

As drops of sweat run down Rey’s forehead, her eyes land on the guard's waistband. A gun is peacefully resting there, ready to protect and the seat belt across her chest seems to tighten even more. Making it hard to breathe. These men are apparently Kylo’s most loyal members, but Rey feels anything but safe in this car. 

Makaria whines beside her, throwing her sleepy fist up in the air with her body tilted in her car seat. The sight of her baby girl reminds Rey once again that it doesn’t matter that Rey feels safe or not. 

She  _ is  _ safe. They are safe. She’s doing this for her daughter. Even if that means to cancel all her appointments with Dr. Ko Connix’ and stop focusing on herself. 

Rey is selfish, she can’t afford to be that anymore. 

“I mean, as in ‘taking a break’.”, Rey answers back, voice filled with a forced irritation. “We’re leaving the city for a while, me and Ria. Just to… clear our heads.”

Kylo’s threat still echoes in her ears and Rey knows that her friends wouldn’t -  _ can’t  _ \- understand without their lives being at risk. If they knew that Rey came to a dead end - with Kylo on one side and Hux on the other - they’d do anything to come and get her and Ria, but she needs Kylo now. Makaria needs the right safety. 

Rey has to lie.

“Is this about the accident?”, Finn asks worriedly through the phone and Rey closes her eyes.

“Finn-”

“No, Rey! Why would you leave right when they’re investigating the accident? They need your statement and without it, it won’t go through.” Rey opens her mouth but is interrupted once again. “And since when do you have the money for a vacation?”

The question takes Rey off guard, leaving her mouth hanging open and mind blank. She glances once again at the bodyguard, expecting some kind of help but he seems way too interested in the road ahead.

“Ehm, R-Rose paid for it!”, she blurts out and it becomes silent on the other end. “She paid for a small  _ small _ cottage outside the city, by the mountains. Real cozy, so nice of her.”

“...What?”

“Yeah!”, Rey clears her throat. “But don’t tell her that, it was supposed to be a secret….”

“Have you told her about what happened?”  _ No.  _

“Yes, she knows. Told her everything.”, Rey mumbles. “Tell Poe too, so he won’t get worried. Just- just don’t tell  _ her _ . It’s a secret…. ” 

Finn doesn’t say anything for a long while and it’s as the silence is choking her. As if she’s waiting for Finn to expose her lie - the best lie she could come up with in this panicked moment - and jump into the first car he sees and drive after her all the way from college. Risk his life. 

“That is nice of her…”, Finn finally says and Rey lets out a breath of relief. “Maybe it’ll be good for you to get out of town.” It sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself, but it’s enough for Rey to work with. 

“Exactly.”, Rey agrees with feign excitement, eyeing the house they’re coming closer towards and all blood seems to leave her face when she sees the place where the worst moments in her life happened. “Exactly…”

Rey thought that she’d faint. Scream or throw her body of a cliff by the sight of the house that was her prison the months she was stuck there. She thought that she couldn’t handle seeing the garden where she played with the snow delighted, or the hallway which was the first thing she saw after the bag uncovered her head. Rey thought that she wasn’t mentally strong to see the place where Kylo had literally  _ destroyed  _ her to nothing but dust. 

But she underestimated herself. 

Sure, there is the slight feeling of nausea bubbling in her chest and her mouth is dry like sand when she stands in the middle of the living room, watching several of Kylo’s men in black suits walk around the house through the windows and point at the places where they should set up cameras. It’s as she’s a ghost, they walk right past her without even throwing a glare at Rey and the daughter in her embrace. It feels like one of Kylo’s possessive demands he has ordered. 

_ Don’t look at what’s mine.  _

But other than feeling sick at the sight of the place where Rey had been tortured and raped, she’s still standing. She is strong, smart - now knowing her own mentality like a map and she won’t let Kylo mind trick her again. Rey will survive this, and she and her daughter will walk out of here alive. 

They made a deal, but just the thought of Rey having to uphold her part causes her to panic. But it’s a panic she cannot afford right now, with Ria sleeping against her chest and sensing whatever change there is in her mother's heartbeat. It’s a thought she has to push away for another time. 

As the place is surrounded by Kylo’s men - their voices heard yet muffled through the windows between them - Rey slowly walks around the living room and lets her eyes land on the expensive, modern furniture she once admired and cleaned until they shined. Now they are dusty and the couch where they once in a time made-out on seems to have been left untouched since that day. 

“Mrs.” Rey turns around, suddenly facing a young boy dressed in identical black suits like the rest of the workers and a straight posture, expression vacant. It’s two things that caught her attention. One; is that the boy seems way too young to wear shades and bear gun under his waistband, and two;

“Who is ‘Mrs’?”, Rey asks confused, rocking the baby against her chest when she suddenly begins to whine. “Who are you?”

“I’m Dolphed Mitaka. Master Ren wanted to let you know that he’ll arrive late tonight. Let me escort you to your rooms.” Then the man turns around, already headed towards the stairs as if Rey doesn’t know the whole outlay of the house already. 

Rey huffs annoyed, following quickly behind. It’s not like she wants to see Kylo - and she isn’t surprised that he’ll be late - but it still bothers her that he sends his men for everything. To pick her up, to pack her thing and to escort her around. 

Once they arrive at the bedroom - the one where  _ everything  _ happened - Rey is surprised to see that much has been changed. The bed is replaced by a bigger one and the walls are now white, matching a soft white carpet in the middle that somehow hides the fact that torture and rape have been happening here. It looks much more friendly and like a newly married couple's bedroom. 

Kylo’s room used to be further down the hallway, where he was supposed to sleep, yet always stayed the night with Rey. It seems that Kylo has the king-sized bed as a statement now. 

Rey swallows nervously and ironically misses the smaller bed where Kylo cut a knife through her and made her shed countless tears into the pillow. At least it was _her_ bed, but now Kylo won’t even let her have that. 

Many seconds goes by where Rey just stares at the room, and the moment Mitaka is about to leave them for the night, she opens her mouth.

“Where is the crib?” Mitaka blinks in surprise.

“In the nursery.” Rey snatched her head towards him, already irritated and that seems to make the poor boy nervous. 

“You’re telling me that my baby will sleep  _ away  _ from me?” 

Mitaka stumbles with his words, and Rey sees the sweat slowly building on his forehead. He may have handled men ten times bigger than himself, or even carrying weapons in every form. But he has never seen an angry mother, and that must make him uneasy

“M-master Ren has bought monitors-” Rey sighs dramatically loud, walking straight past him and down the hallway with the baby in her arms. “W-wait!” 

Rey slams the door and the sight of the room makes her breath hitch. 

It’s filled with items, toys and a crib newly bought. The walls are covered in baby pink and every furniture is new and pushed against the walls in one corner, ready for Rey to place around the room herself. Everything is new, modern, and matching, nothing like the shit Rey buys second-hand. She couldn’t even afford diapers after she bought the now flattened stroller to Ria, thankful yet ashamed when Rose offered to pay for the week she stayed. 

The room is beautiful, it’s everything Rey wished she could give her baby. It’s this and more because she wants to give Ria the world. And this is only a small piece of paradise. Fresh linen, soft plushies, and a wardrobe filled with newly bought clothes.

But it’s too much. It’s too forced and it makes up for nothing. Not for the fact that he left her for months or for the fact that he wasn’t there for the birth.

Rey knows him so well by now, she knows that this is the same game he used to play with her before.  _ Buy  _ her happiness,  _ buy  _ her a sense of love and safety. Just like he did with the flowers, but Rey knows now. She knows. She won’t cry in happiness or absorb every little drop of love like a sponge, then ride him as she did before. Never. 

Rey raises her chin and shakes her head, before walking towards the new, white crib. It has cute lamps carved into the wood and the inside is filled with fluffy pillows. Unbelievable. 

With one hard grip against the headboard, Rey starts to drag it out the room while holding Ria with the other arm and she hears Mitaka actually shriek. 

“W-what are you doing?!”

“What does it look like? I’m taking this to my room, are you helping or not?” 

“But Master Ren said-” Rey snapped her head towards him with a look that could kill and Mitaka shrieks once again. It takes everything in Rey’s power not to roll her eyes. He isn’t so tough behind those shaded glasses now.

“Did ‘Master Ren’ push out the baby out of his vagina, or did I?!”, Rey hiss and the poor boy looks like he’s about to faint, face red as a tomato as he shakes his head. Whimpering out a weak ‘you’. “Good, now help me move this thing!” 

The new bed is too comfortable. Rey is used to a mattress on the floor, hard and stiff. Money which should be spent on one, placed on her daughter's clothes instead. 

It must be late, around 2 in the morning, because the house is quiet. The men have set up the security system and there is also someone who walks around the house every 15 minutes - looking for Hux’s men who are ready to kill. Rey can hear them through the slight gap in the window, hot summer-night air filling the room and the sound of footsteps from below right outside. As soon as Rey tries to sleep, the slightest sound wakes her up. 

So she lays on the bed and listens to her daughter's breaths instead. Seeing her sleeping form through the white bars of the crib, afraid that something happens to her, that someone will hurt her. No one is supposed to - thanks to the loyal workers - but Rey has to remember that she’s in the lion's den.

It’s bubbling in her stomach, the anxiety. She’s supposed to be safe - her and Ria - but she doesn’t feel it. Probably because this safety comes with a prize and the prize is expensive.

Rey clenches her eyes and curls up in the bed, thinking of the pain she went through with Ria. Both physically and mentally. Her body got torn in two and so did her mind, now she has to repeat it and no child should be born to have a purpose. For something else and not love. 

But she can’t let Ria get hurt. The way the car just ran straight for the stroller… 

Rey sobs, feeling the knife in her heart - the one planted there since days ago - twisting wickedly. Whatever she does just ends up being wrong. Either Hux kills them or Rey has to be forced bearing another child. 

She doesn’t know what to do anymore. 

It’s now that Rey needs Dr. Ko Connix. She wished that she could just go to her now and let her guide Rey through her struggles. Clear her mind and categorize her worries and priorities, but it won’t be possible for a while. Rey’s sure that the therapist won’t question her absence either. She knows how busy Rey is with Ria, and the last time she went Rey had been feeling lovely. 

Even friends would be perfect right now. Finn, with his stupid jokes and Poe with his constant worrying - being the police officer he is. And Rose - lovely Rose who just cares the way no one else does. Rey misses them so much, she knows that she can just call them but she has to lie through the phone. Lie to Finn that Rose paid for the imaginary trip and lie to Poe that Rose knows of the accident and then lie to Rose, pretending that she’s still at home and making progress at therapy. 

_ …. Fuck.  _

The sound of the door opening causes Rey to twitch before clenching her eyes in panic, trying for the pretending-to-sleep method. Her heartbeat racing wildly about the sudden surprise - too gone in thoughts to hear the steps sooner. She hopes it’s just one of Kylo’s men to check on her - which is unlikely thanks to his  _ possessive  _ behavior - but is disappointed and absolutely terrified when the door closes after and the steps get closer to the bed. 

Rey expects him to wake her up, either by dragging her by the hair or push his dick into her pussy immediately. The crib isn’t supposed to be here and Rey has a duty to make, but she hopes she can avoid it for just one night by pretending to sleep. Yet she is surprised when she hears fabric ruffle and then the bed tilts under her, a naked body suddenly spooning her from behind. Rey does everything in her power not to turn stiff, afraid to reveal herself, and even more afraid to feel  _ something  _ against her behind. 

But the only thing she feels is his arms slung over her waist and a deep, tired sigh against her ear, and Rey is reminded that he came back from work. He has been working until now. 

Kylo falls into a deep sleep immediately while Rey is absolutely still and terrified, afraid that the moment she breathes a bit unusual, he’ll take a hard grip of her throat and fuck her without consent. 

But minutes go by - maybe hours - before Rey finally dares to open her eyes. And Ria is still sleeping in her crib comfortably, hot-summer night winds still fill the room and the men guarding the house do the walk once again. 

Everything is the same, except for the heavyweight of Kylo’s arms around her waist and he snuggles her against himself, digging his nose into her hair.

It’s a disappointment when Rey finally feels herself relax - finally managing to sleep - now that she feels just a bit safer with Kylo by her side.

He isn’t there when Rey wakes up and denial is the first thing she feels when she opens her eyes slowly, Ria crying from her bed violently and the other side of the bed empty.

It wasn’t safety she felt, Rey tells herself when she stands up and takes her baby out from the crib with half-opened eyes, immediately pushing her t-shirt down and connecting her nipple to the baby’s mouth lazily. No, she was just tired. Rey was just tired, and afraid. A warm body beside her was enough for her to feel something else then fright. 

Rey watches Makaria suck as if there is no tomorrow and it’s satisfying knowing that her baby always has food - plenty of it - and that she won’t ever starve. It’s a comfort that digs too deep into Rey’s roots. 

Ria is full and she's fast to fall asleep again. Rey is hungry next. 

“Good morning, sunshine.”

The house is completely empty when Rey stands by the end of the staircase, Kylo sitting by the kitchen island and simply waiting for her with his legs crossed professionally. Dread seems to fill Rey’s lungs because she didn’t expect to see him so soon this quiet morning. No workers are buzzing around the house like yesterday and Kylo himself wasn’t at home until late last night. It’s as a bear has entered the room and suddenly, everyone is gone in fright. Leaving Rey as bait.

Rey lets her gaze fall from him and she swallows frightened by the sight of breakfast ready for two. As if they’re supposed to be together and enjoy a meal. Pancakes with blueberries, neatly put together on those damned porcelain plates.

She made that to him the morning after he cut her skin. Her hip throbs just by the sight of it and Rey is about to ask him if this is all a cruel joke when he suddenly points at the seat in front of him with a graceful palm. 

“Sit.” 

It’s an order and it’s an order Rey is too afraid to not command. It’s as if all the anger she felt towards him yesterday vanished with her exhaustion last night, and all she is left with is this confusing mixture of fear and attraction - like it has always been with him. 

The way his voice seems to shake the ground she walks on sends vibes straight down to her parts, but today - and the rest of the last few weeks - the fright has been triple the size of the present attraction. The muscles through his suit and the goatee beard covering his sharp chin are nothing she can really concentrate on at this moment. Only the way his eyes turn small and his tongue wetting his lips, as if she’s walking candy. 

Rey glances up the stairs, remembering that she left the bedroom door open - so she can hear Ria scream for her mother - before slowly walking towards the island. For every step she takes, she remembers. 

She remembers that on this same chair, she had spit right into his face and on this same marble surface, he had bent her over it and fucked her so hard from behind that her legs had quivered. Every memory flashes before her eyes and she feels dizzy by the time she drags the chair out and sits comfortably. 

It’s just confusing how the horror of the first memory causes her to become unsteady, and the second the same but for a different cause. 

She’s going backward in her process and this isn’t good at all. 

Sweat slowly starts to build on her forehead, causing Rey to discreetly wipe it with her wrist, glancing at Kylo who’s started to eat his breakfast with graceful manners. She doesn’t want him to see the panic pouring from the edges. 

“Where is everybody?”, she asks with a small voice, because the sounds that kept her awake all night are yearned for right now. Any kind of evidence to prove that she isn’t alone with him, a secret and a prisoner. 

“Working.” A short, final answer. As always. Rey never got anything out of him. 

“Aren’t,”, Rey swallows, lips quivering. “Aren’t you supposed to work, too?”

Kylo looks up and Rey starts to feel her whole body shake in panic. Tears building up behind her eyelids. 

_ Please, please go. Please don’t let me be stuck with him again, please don’t let me be alone with him. In this house. Like before, like last time, like then. Please, please, please- _

A wicked grin grows on his lips and Rey feels her heart stop to beat. 

“The moment you are ready to fulfill your end of the deal, I’ll be working. Hard.” 

It’s as if all the air has been sucked out from her lungs, and the panic she has pushed down in order to protect her daughter jumps out of her like a clown in a box. Working hard is another world for impregnating her, and how he got himself free from work just to fuck a child into her womb and get himself an heir, is a question Rey has to deal with later. 

But she has had no choice but to justify this with her and Makaria getting the right safety, but now there is nothing to calm her down with the killer sitting right in front of her. 

“You don’t know what you’re asking out of me....”, Rey mumbles with blank eyes, clenching her fist against her lap. Yet, she thinks he does. Thinking back to the room filled with items for Ria. “You don’t understand-”

“I don’t need to.”, Kylo says in a deep, irritated voice. He leans back against his chair, crossing his arms with dead eyes. “You’ll give me a boy, that was the deal-”

“ _ Deal? _ ”, Rey cries, standing up in alarm. “This isn’t a business trade, Kylo! This is a child, that I have to raise and care for-” 

“Be quiet, Rey.” 

If Rey could, she would’ve reached for the closest knife and sliced his tongue off - the way he keeps demanding her things like a dog. But there is still that frightened, old Rey - who worshiped him like a God - that has no choice but to listen, because otherwise there would be a slap to punish her. 

Rey is so afraid of punishments. 

It only causes her headache and terror when she realizes that she can’t open her mouth any longer and that she cannot back away when he’s suddenly moving towards her. Slowly, his palm lands on her waist and drags her closer towards his chest. 

Rey stares into a reverie, eyes wide and lips parted when he presses his lips against her scalp in a loving, wicked manner and her eyes start to tear by the fact that her voice has once again no value anymore. 

Just like before. Just like then. She’s nothing to him but a body. 

“You are such a good mother, baby.”, he whispers against her hair and Rey thinks she might vomit when his other palm creeps under her baggy T-shirt and cups her stomach. “You’ll handle another one just fine. Now eat your breakfast and take yourself to bed...” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the fuckening B E G I N 
> 
> My other stories…
> 
> [Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)
> 
> [Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- One-shot. Dark, Robbery, smut. 
> 
> [A String Attached To Your Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145/chapters/50917576) \- Looong story. Soulmate-AU. 
> 
> [Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.
> 
> [The Mad Empress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613834/chapters/59461759) \- ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I love y'all so much! The comments warm my heart and motivates me to update through these busy times in my life! Thank you, xoxo ;**
> 
>   
> This chapter begins right where we left off, and I also want to say that I on the previous chapter I added one sentence about a few hours after I updated it. It's literally the last sentence of the chapter.
> 
> Here comes the E train, be aware!! And prepared ;))

Rey doesn’t know why she does it, but she runs. 

Like a snake, she slipped out of Kylo’s embrace in nothing else but pure panic that blinded her logical side of her brain and ran like a scared rabbit. It’s not the right decision to make, but since when does one do something logical in times of fright? 

So she runs, she runs from the times that consisted of short nightgowns, bare feet, and sore knees. She runs with cries escaping her lips, tears streaming down her cheeks and the constant whispers of ‘no, no, no’, because she can’t, she can’t  _ she won’t  _ go back to this again. 

To the times when she was his maid, his punchbag, his whore. All those nights she had nightmares of the memories he has caused her, all those nights she woke up from them and thanked God that it was now over. They can’t repeat themselves again. It can’t happen, please,  _ please not again, please- _

So she runs. 

And she only manages to run to the living room, before Kylo snatches her by the waist from behind. It’s so metaphoric, that no matter how many times she tries to run from her past, he always manages to catch her again. 

Rey screams. She screams so loudly that she’s sure that the men guarding the house will hear her from the living room, and it’s so ironic that they’re protecting Rey from the danger outside, but won’t on the inside. 

Every limb she manages, she trashes violently and she throws her fists around like swings. Kylo curses loudly, and before Rey knows it, he has her pinned down on the couch. Her knees hitting the floor beside it, and her waist bent by the seat. Kylo is mounted over her like an owl over a defenseless mouse. 

“What the  _ fuck  _ is wrong with you, huh?!”, Kylo hisses into her ear in the same infamous anger of his, and it causes Rey to shrink in terror while the cushion under her head sucks up the tears. “Do I have to remind you  _ again  _ how to behave like a good girl?!” 

It’s a threat, and it’s a threat that goes straight to her heart. It’s knives and forced blowjobs and it’s crying and suffering and it’s terror and torture. 

“No, no, please Kylo!”, Rey cries, her whole body trembling violently when the hand clenching the back of her neck tightens and it’s then that Rey realizes she’s having a panic attack. She hasn’t had one since she was here and the thought of it causes her to break down into an unsteady mess, sobbing and quivering with her back pressed against his chest, just like last night. But the difference is that safety is the opposite of what she feels now. 

How scary Kylo can be, the way her vision of him changes like a rollercoaster. 

“Then you spread your legs open and take this cock, or I’ll punish you!” 

Rey screams when he suddenly starts to pull down her leggings, just one snatch and they’re down. Leaving her in plain underwear and T-shirt and Rey rattles her body the best she can for freedom, but there is no point. Kylo is double the size of her and Rey cries louder when she thinks of him pushing into her still-healing body-

Rey’s eyes turn wide and her breath hitches when she suddenly remembers. It’s ridiculous how such an important detail was forgotten and Kylo is about to push her underwear down when Rey takes a hard grip of his wrist that already has its fingers clutched around the edge of the panties.

“W-wait!” Rey wails, and it must be the steadiness of her voice - standing out through her loud, uneasy wails - that causes him to actually wait. She knows it’s a risk to mention it, but it’s also a risk to stay quiet. 

“What?!” Kylo screams irritated, horny, and impatient and the anger in his voice reminds Rey of how quickly that fire of his can escalate. How one wrong sentence or action has caused her life so many times already, and Rey is sure that this moment would be a part of the collection soon. 

But she can’t stay quiet. 

Rey swallows, feeling her chin tremble as she tries to slow her breaths. The panic attack slowly faded away, leaving her only with straight fear. 

“‘No sex or penetration for 4-6 weeks.’”, Rey repeats, spelling the worlds slowly into the cushion. Hoping Kylo can hear her muffled voice with her head pressed in the seats. “That’s what my nurse told me…” 

Several minutes of silence go by, Rey staring into the couch patiently and waiting for the bomb that’ll kill her on the spot. Moments past, and for a second, Rey thinks that Kylo didn’t hear her. 

But the theory is slowly proven wrong, for his chest pressed against her back slowly starts to heave, the grip around her neck starts to tighten once again and the wrist in Rey's palms start to tremble. 

The soft lips that can kiss the softest ones, yet say the most awful things, are suddenly by her ear and Rey cries in surprise when his controlled, shaky breath hits her neck.

“Are you lying to me, my dear Rey?” His voice is tight, impatient, and the way he says ‘dear’ causes all the hair on Rey's body to stand in salute, terror running down her spine. 

“N-No!”, Rey cries against the cushion, too afraid to turn her head towards him. “I swear, Kylo! Please believe me, the nurse said so herself. I can’t  _ do  _ anything until I’m fully healed!” 

“And what if I find this nurse and threaten her family? Will she  _ still _ say the same thing?”, Kylo hiss and Rey shrieks, thinking about the poor nurse who helped Rey for 16 hours straight to deliver Makaria. She says the first thing in her mind 

“D-don’t do that, Kylo! They were so nice to me, and your daughter…” 

Once again, silence fills the living room, and the way Rey holds her breath is guaranteed that she’ll faint any second now. Sweat collects under her armpits, panic growing faster than bamboo. His shaking, furious body pressed against her reminds her of a rocket ready for take-off, that’ll leave nothing but blazing flames behind. 

Rey has to pay for it, she is the one who gets burned. 

Then he lets her go, his fingers unclutching her panties and the palm unwraps around her neck, slowly standing up again. 

Rey lets out a big sigh of relief, pressing her forehead against the cushion with closed eyes. Feeling her heartbeat cool down. 

_ Thank God.  _

“Turn around.” Rey freezes, then she hears his belt unbuckling and her eyes become wide in terror. “Turn the  _ fuck  _ around!” 

His scream echoes against the walls and Rey wails loudly when his impatience runs out, taking a hard grip of her wrist and almost throwing her against the couch. It takes seconds for Rey to realize that she’s sitting on the couch now, her whole body trembling violently when she looks up to see Kylo standing over her, throwing his blazer off his body and on the ground before his massive palms snatch off her T-shirt. 

“No, no, stop!”, Rey cries, resisting his hands on her poor clothing. But he slaps her palms away like flies and soon it slides off her body, joining his blazer on the floor. Leaving her totally bare except for her panties and Rey shrinks on the couch, covering her sore breast in fright and tears stream down her cheeks when she screams; “I can’t have more children if you hurt me!” 

“Be quiet, Rey!” 

No, no, no he won’t actually hurt her! Sure, he’s fucked in the head but he won’t  _ actually _ hurt her, right? He claims that he loves her, that he wants her to bear his son, so he won’t do it, he won’t, he won’t. Right?

_ Right?  _

Then he suddenly places his knees beside her hips, hovering over her and placing his lips against her neck like a lion ready to dig his teeth through a zebra's neck. It causes Rey to cry startled, clenching her eyes hard and whining when the fabric of his black shirt caress her tender nipples and a stupid attempt to push him away is made, her palms pressed against his shoulder before he takes them in his own. 

“Be a good girl now…”, he whispers against her neck, voice now hoarse and threatening when he suddenly takes her hands and pushes them against his groin. Rey cries, rattling violently but stops when he hisses loudly into her ear. “ _ Don’t.  _ Make me angry, dear.” 

Rey sobs, clenching her eyes hard when she realizes what she has to do. But she’s too afraid to refuse, and she’s too scared to tell him no. He’s already angry that he can’t fuck her just yet, and she doesn’t want to anger him more. 

He’ll really hurt her then. 

So she cries as she takes her trembling hands towards his already open trousers, and pushes his underwear down enough to take out his already half-hard cock. It lands against her covered pussy, feeling the warmth of it through her black, boxer panties. Rey swallows and takes it in her hands, causing Kylo to groan quietly into her skin. 

It’s smooth, warm, and growing into her hands as she slowly pumps it in her palms, doing everything in her power not to burst into tears as Kylo starts to kiss and hiss against her neck. The space between them is minimal, so it’s a challenge to move her hands up and down, but Kylo only seems to want to get closer and closer. 

He’s now rock hard, hips slowly pistoning into her cupped palms and Rey cries whenever his cock sometimes nudges against her clit through her underwear. 

It’s not something she wants to reveal - not something she wants to feel either - but Kylo is good at breaking her down, so he does it more often and Rey feels how her legs start to tingle against her own defense. 

“K-Kylo-”, Rey sobs against his shoulder, tears wetting his shirt and he only hushes her playfully. 

“Just like that, baby. Say my name…”, he mumbles and Rey moans when his hand suddenly cups one of her breasts, pushing his finger into her mouth forcefully and wetting it before slowly circling her nipple. She’s so thankful that she fed Makaria right before, otherwise she’d die in shame if milk would run down his fingers. “Tell me who you belong to.”

Rey cries, because she doesn’t want this, yet it feels so good to be touched against after all these months. Her nearing orgasm blinds her quickly and she suddenly forgets that he literally pushed her onto the couch and forced her. But somewhere deep in her consciousness - the same of Rey who used to live here - this is normal. This is the norm. This is not something she can control, because it’s Kylo who controls her, so she might as well enjoy it. 

And she does, for suddenly, Kylo doesn’t seem to care about his own pleasure anymore. He focuses on her, thrusting into her clit over and over while sucking into her neck as fingers play with her breast diligently. 

The sobs turned into moans instead, and the way her body trembled with fear, now tremble in pleasure. Her legs rattle between his knees and she arches her body against his as she cries into his ear, cupping his cock harder into her hands as she throws her head back. 

“Oh- Oh, God, Kylo,  _ Kylo! _ ”, she sobs and then one last thrust is enough for her to burst. 

Somewhere in her high - between cries and trembling body - Kylo bites her neck harder and something warm is suddenly covering her hands and stomach, all the way up to her breasts. 

It takes several deep, fast breaths before Rey can open her eyes and glance down, seeing his spend across her body like paint and something like disgust and pride washes over her. 

It’s a confusing combination. 

Besides that, there is suddenly the sight of the initials on her hips - the sights she has for so long done anything to avoid. She doesn’t look at herself in the mirror naked anymore, nor when she showers. Trying to avoid her past as much as she can, but now it’s in her fucking face. Now, with her body pressed against him - body marked by him - the reality of it suddenly feels too much. Too real and she can’t avoid it anymore. 

It causes her to whimper painfully, feeling her heart break. 

“Fuck, baby…”, Kylo heaves against her hair, before taking a hard grip of her chin. Forcing her eyes to meet his, that is filled with pride, satisfaction, and something dark. Toxic. The forbidden fruit that Eve wanted so bad -  _ Rey  _ wants so bad. “How much you try to deny it, you can’t resist it, Rey. You were made for me. You’re mine.” 

Rey stares into his eyes with parted lips, feeling her eyes turn wet too fast to control and she feels the word dig way too deep into her soul. 

_ No, no no… _

Rey slides from his embrace, her legs almost bending under her when she stands. Tears fall down her eyes and the sorrow she has tried to ignore all this time is fast to push through the surface. The T-shirt is snatched from the floor and she puts it on while running towards the stairs sobbing, ignoring how his cum cling to her shirt. 

He doesn’t follow her this time. 

“Mommy is here...”, Rey whispers with a smile, both of Makaria’s small hands in each of her palms as the infant grips her fingers for dear life, looking up at her mother with wide eyes. She’s laying on her back on the bed, Rey sitting in front of her with her legs crossed - lips in a smile at the look of her child. 

Ria woke up not much later after Rey locked herself in the room and cried for a few minutes, and the infant was neither hungry nor upset. Rey, trying -  _ needed -  _ to distract herself for dear life, took the child out of the crib, and now tries to play with the 5-weeks old child the best she can. There isn’t much to do or say, but the sight of Ria is enough for Rey to relax plenty, and letting her small palms grip her fingers is such a relaxing activity. To know that she’s functioning normally without difficulties, knowing that her surroundings don’t affect her. 

Rey tries not to cry again, but it’s hard. She doesn’t want anything to happen to Makaria and it’s not enough that she can maintain normal eye contact as she should like a normal 5-weeks old child. 

Rey needs her to have a normal life too. 

But there was nothing normal with this from the start. The moment Rey looked out the window that cold October night, to this. 

To what happened a few hours ago downstairs. 

Anxiety chokes Rey violently. 

It’s a mess inside of Rey’s head. Besides not having anything to eat for the past day, she’s thirsty and most of all, scared. How easy it was for her to fall back to her old position - her old self - that bent for him as easily as breathing. Spreading her legs and enjoying it, because she might as well do when she doesn’t have a choice. 

But isn’t supposed to be like that! 

Rey has a choice, and even if it isn’t much of a one, she has a choice to not enjoy it. To show her discomfort and to tell him that she hates him. 

But she doesn’t. She’s so fucking scared of him, that he’ll punish her again and that he’ll hate her-

_ Fuck, there she goes again! Back to how she used to think…  _

A gurgling interrupts her thinking and Rey smiles when she looks down again at her baby. 

“Yes, mommy is here! Yes, she is!”, Rey chuckles with a high-pitched voice when the baby whines, throwing her arms around impatiently as she stares at her mother. “Oh, I love you so much! I love you so-” 

A sudden knock on the door suddenly interrupted Rey, and panic hit her before the door opens because she already knows that there is only one other person in the house. 

The knock is just mocking - he owns this house just the way he owns her - and so is the smile on his lips when he opens the door, both his hands in the pocket of his expensive suit trousers as he steps in confidently, proving Rey right. 

This room isn’t her own anymore. The double bed says that it's he too and the letters on her hips say the same. 

“Sunshine…”, he sighs, leaning against the doorway with a look that shakes Rey to the core. It’s the same look of a predator, a shark tasting the first drop of blood and now blinded for more. “Are you going to hide here all day?” 

Having Makaria laying on the bed out in the open suddenly feels too much, too dangerous and Rey is quick to lift the baby and press her fragile, soft body against her chest. Eyes downwards - afraid and completely ashamed to look at the father of her baby - as she smells discreetly her child's head. Covered with black locks of hair. 

She smells so good, so pure. Like vanilla, sweetness, and everything else Kylo is not. The thought calms her. 

Rey had planned to ignore him and not answer at all, but anxiety starts to chew on her heart when Kylo doesn’t say anything for a long time - almost dragging out the silence - and she dreads that he’ll really hurt her if she doesn’t answer. 

“No…”, Rey lies in a mumble, still not looking up to face him. Face red and eyes stuck on Ria who puts her fist in her mouth and sucks happily. 

“No?”, he repeats and Rey feels how her hands slowly start to tremble. He scares her so much. 

“I… I have to take care of Ria…”

Footsteps echo in the room and Rey feels herself panic when the bed tints beside her. He’s suddenly sitting beside her on the bed, and it only makes Rey’s arms tighter around her baby. She doesn’t want him near Makaria. She doesn’t want him near herself at all. 

The memories from hours ago are still fresh in her head and guilt together with pleasure still lingers in her body when she thinks about the way he stimulated her, with a hand on her breast and lips against her neck. A bruise will bloom there by morning. 

“What a beautiful child we made…”, Kylo says with an eerie voice that drips of toxic playfulness and Rey hates herself that she can’t protect her baby from his sights. He stares at her with small eyes, lips in a tight grin when Ria suddenly switches eye contact from Rey to Kylo.

He must be so satisfied, that Makaria has all his looks. Black eyes, black hair. Little does he know that she’s everything he isn’t. 

As if he heard her thoughts, he turns to Rey and she is quick to glance down - feeling his eyes burn into her bent neck. Her cheeks become tinted and sweat starts to collect by her hairline.

“I still remember all those precious moments we had together…” All the hair rises on her body when his hand suddenly creeps its way to land on her waist, tucking her body against his chest. It’s a loving position but nothing is loving about him. “When you were  _ so  _ good… Riding me, crying after kisses. Telling me how much you loved me-” 

“I was blind.”, Rey interrupts because she can’t listen anymore. All those awful memories will come out of the surface and it’s already enough with the flashback this house gives her. He won’t make fun of the weakest moments in her life. “I was blind and I wasn’t thinking straight-”

“That didn't seem to be the case when I visited.” His voice is suddenly cold and Rey feels her eyes water, old anger that never really processed blooming as new again. 

“Then you left me for half a year and missed Makaria’s birth.  _ Then  _ I was thinking straight.” 

The palm cupping her waist suddenly tightens and Rey tries not to whine, still looking down at her child whose eyes are slowly shutting tight. Must feel satisfied with mommy and daddy in the same room. 

“I won’t repeat myself again, Rey. I was handling business, the business that now is the reason you and the child are protected.” They wouldn’t need protection at all if it wasn’t for him, but Rey isn’t about to say that. 

Kylo was annoyed, but Rey shouldn’t be surprised by now when he suddenly kisses the sore spot on her neck - the hickey he left for her before. Going from deadly irritated to loving in one second. His lips linger on her neck and Rey does everything in her power to not lean into his safe embrace. Unconsciously falling back into habits when he was her God and only protector of the outside that he locked her from. 

“Be a good girl now, so I won’t have to take action again. I don’t want to hurt you, sunshine.” Rey turns her head towards him worried - their eyes meeting for the first time since he came - and their faces are only inches away from each other. 

“I can’t  _ do _ anything until I’m fully healed. I told you that already…”, Rey whispers with a shaky voice, not understanding his threat. 

“I’m not talking about that, dear.”, Kylo answers, shaking his head slightly as a rough palm cups her cheek. Eyes turning dark, letting his thumb caress her lower lip. “The sooner you accept your decision, the easier it’ll become.”

Rey understands him then. Understands him perfectly. 

He refers to back then when Rey had fought him in every way. Every decision. Every action. When she had been sane enough to know what he did was wrong, that whatever he wanted from her would not be enjoyable or acceptable. 

But he wouldn’t bend, he wouldn’t let her win and when Rey realized that she had lost - when she was laying in the bed covered in blood naked and shaking like a leaf with two letters on her body - it was much easier to handle the pain when she decided to accept it. 

When she decided to let go and enjoy the first time he really took her after the bloodbath and all the times thereafter. 

It was much easier to brush off his evil acts and blame it on other factors - like herself. They say that you become blind when in love. 

And it was just so much easier to handle the situation when she just... accepted it. 

Rey’s eyes widen and her lips start to quiver, anguish growing in her stomach heavy like a stone.  Kylo seems to notice, for he slowly leans forward. Causing Rey’s breath to hitch when their eyes meet once again, forehead against forehead. 

“Just accept it, sunshine.”, he whispers, voice filled with a seductive, wicked tone as he inches closer and closer. “Just accept it…” 

Before Rey knows it, their lips meet in a sensual kiss. 

It doesn’t match Kylo’s threatening tone before, nor the violent actions that happened on the couch hours ago. The kiss is nothing like this situation itself, for it’s not forced and nasty.  It’s the complete opposite. It’s the same energy of last night when Kylo came back from work and pressed her body against his. How much Rey tried to deny it this morning, she had felt safe. Loved and satisfied enough to sleep, and this kiss is not different. 

It’s not different from how she used to feel for him. 

His soft lips caress her in a way they haven’t done in a long time, with sensual movements and tongue tasting after hers. And so weak that Rey is, she can’t deny it. She opens her lips slightly and their tongues dance like tango. It’s so beautifully innocent that Rey loses herself in him. He tastes so good.

Then Makaria - who peacefully fell asleep in Rey’s arms - suddenly cries hungry for food, and Rey is suddenly reminded. 

She will  _ not  _ accept this!

Like a reflex, Rey takes his lower lip between her teeth and bites Kylo hard enough for him to wince. Leaning out the kiss with furrowed eyes. Rey’s stares back at him with rosy cheeks and a heaving chest. Hoping that the determination in her eyes will be a good enough answer, leaning away from him the best she can as she does everything in her power to not show what kind of effect the kiss gave. 

And it seems to be, for Kylo’s face suddenly becomes blank. Expression vacant, the way it becomes when he doesn’t get it his way and Rey knows that anyone looking into his insight right at this moment wouldn’t come out sane enough to live. 

It must be so dark in there. So filled with toxic rage. 

Then he turns his gaze onto his screaming child and before Rey can stop him, he leans down to kiss her on her blank, pale forehead. 

Rey feels herself choke when she sees the bloody imprint of his lips on Makaria’s skin. 

When Rey looks up again, Kylo has already left the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My other stories…
> 
> [Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)
> 
> [Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- One-shot. Dark, Robbery, smut. 
> 
> [A String Attached To Your Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145/chapters/50917576) \- Looong story. Soulmate-AU. 
> 
> [Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.
> 
> [The Mad Empress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613834/chapters/59461759) \- ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)) 
> 
> It's getting filthy ~

According to Rey’s calendar, Ria is exactly 5 weeks and 2 days old. That means in about 5 days, it’ll be six weeks since Ria was born. 

Six weeks, that’s what Rey told him. Kylo will have her in five days. No seconds more or less. 

Rey is sure that he’s counting every minute that goes by from now and Rey has to prepare. In this chase, she has two choices; 

Either accept the situation - like Kylo said - or….

Get scarred. Again. 

The first isn’t an option in her head, but neither is the second. The threat still echoes inside of Rey’s head, when Kylo has whispered against her lips. 

_ “Be a good girl now, so I won’t have to take action again. I don’t want to hurt you, sunshine.”  _

What the hell is she supposed to do now?

Rey closes her eyes, leaning back against the bedframe and sighing loudly. Wishing she could just call her friends and ask for help without them coming here to rescue her. She wants to talk about her feelings to Dr. Ko Connix over the phone without telling her about the situation. 

Rey is stuck. 

A whine caught Rey's attention and she looks down at the baby in her embrace sucking on her nipple, gurgling satisfied as she stares at her mother almost accusingly. For some childish reason, Rey felt her face turn red by the fact that she and Kylo made out in front of her.

“Don’t look at me like that…”, Rey mumbles with a pouting lip, shaking the baby lightly. “How do you think you were made, huh?” 

  
  


Rey noticed - once her stomach started to revolt against her with loud screams - that Kylo is nowhere to be found. Sneaking down the stairs to get something to eat, she was expected to be met by his hungry - or maybe even angry - eyes and it took minutes and many minutes of stomach rumbling before she had the courage to go down. 

It’s a relief to see the kitchen empty. 

Where Kylo might be or not is no concern for her. He’s maybe in his office, a room where she never dared to go since it’s close to the basement. She avoided the hallway like the plague last time she was here, and she would rather do it again. The hallway is where he had dragged her through, then pushed her inside the basement and left her for hours. Getting close would be like stepping on a mine - all memories of those times would explode in her face. 

Maybe he’s working in his office, even if he claims that the only working he’ll be doing, for now, is to fuck a baby in her. 

Anxiety rises up her throat, but she’s too hungry to care for now. 

When the sun falls, and darkness fills the room where Rey has spent the last day locked inside, that’s when she hides under the blanket and prays for sleep. 

Because it isn’t just another day that has passed by. It’s a clock counting down to when he’ll have her and when it does, there is no going back. 

Rey has tried to explain to him, tried to refuse. A child isn’t a deal, a part of a business, or a legacy. But the man is too much of a psychopath to understand that, and it wasn’t until today - when he had pushed her down the couch and yanked off her clothes - that she understood her end of the deal. 

And the five short days she has left are slowly running out of time. 

_ It isn’t fair,  _ Rey thinks. Clenching her eyes and listing after Ria’s sleeping breaths from the crib.  _ It isn’t fair for a baby to have a reason for its birth if the reason isn’t love.  _

It starts to sting behind her eyes and Rey bites her lips to contain her cries, arm slowly reaching for the nightstand where her phone is. 

Maybe she can explain to Finn what’s happening, just briefly. Or Rose, maybe Poe and even Dr. Ko Connix would understand, right? That she has no choice, that she feels so lonely and so scared to fall back into what she once was. 

A weak, manipulated girl who just  _ accepted  _ her situation. Who would do exactly as Rey did today, spread her legs and cry his name like a song. 

Rey is becoming weak - she's turning weak - what is happening to her!?

Her fingers tremble when reaching for the phone, but retreats fast by the sound of the door opening. 

Rey gasps, the sudden action terrifying in the dark room, and the looming shadow by the door cause shivers to run down her spine. It was only yesterday that he slammed the door open, only to collapse by her side completely exhausted. 

But he doesn’t seem to be tired tonight. 

“Already in bed, sunshine?” His voice is playful, in a whisper - probably not wanting to wake Makaria. 

Rey swallows, choosing not to answer, and pulls the blanket over her shivering body. 

_ Please let me fall asleep, please fall asleep, please, please!  _ She doesn’t want a repeat from this morning. She isn’t allowed any types of penetration, but Kylo seems just satisfied now to play outside that field. 

Once again, the sound of clothing slipping off his body is heard and soon his half-naked body is pressed again hers. This time, he isn’t half-sleeping in exhaustion and senses immediately the way Rey turns stiff when he spoons her against his chest. Her heart aches terribly the way it beats too fast and her lips start to quiver when his hot breath hits her scalp. 

Rey is only wearing panties and a big T-shirt - easy to pop out a breast for feeding through the neckline without taking anything off. It’s easy to access for her daughter, but it’s for him too. 

He snuggles against her as if Rey's body language isn’t screaming for help and then turns still. Rey thinks she might faint in fear. 

“I let you hide in here today just because I’m nice…”, he mumbles against her head, not even sounding angry. Just playful. “But it will not repeat itself tomorrow, dear. You will do something for this household and earn my respect.”

“...Cooking? Cleaning?”, Rey asks after many minutes of silence, feeling something tighten around her throat and it isn’t his hand or hers. It's despair - disgusting and awful that causes her eyes to water. 

“Mhm… Exactly." Her sight becomes blurry when his torso presses up against her ass knowingly, an arm sneaking around her waist almost like chains keeping her stuck. The way he hums satisfied tells Rey enough to know that he isn’t in the same bed as her for sleep. “You will know your place again.  _ All _ of them.” 

He punctuates his words by dragging the palm around her waist up to her bare stomach, under her T-shirt, and towards her breast. Rey’s breath hitches and she thinks about what he means by that. 

_ All  _ of her places. His cleaner, his cook, his  _ whore- _

Rey cries and before she can roll off the bed and run for her life, Kylo snatches her against his body hard enough for her breath to be knocked out and when she opens her eyes again, he has her down on the bed. His knees between her thighs and both hands pinned above her head, his annoyed eyes glaring enough to burn holes into her own. 

But Rey hears a noise and glances at the crib instead. Afraid that they have woken Makaria up and Rey fears that the poor baby might see this and not understand why mommy cries.

Rey wants to go and check on her. To see if she’s breathing or if she spit out the pacifier as she does at night, or if her diaper is full-

Kylo - clearly not liking the way she dismisses him - takes a hard grip of her chin and snatches his face towards his, causing Rey to cry in pain. 

“Look at me, Rey!”, he hisses between teeth and Rey feels nausea and fear bubbling in her stomach, her eyes widen and body starting to tremble. He’s getting angry, he’s getting  _ really _ angry. “Don’t you ever fucking try to run from me again!”

“I’m sorry-”, Rey sobs, tears streaming down her face and not feeling sorry at all but it’s her fear talking. “Please let me go, please I just want to look at my baby!”

Somehow, Rey crying and trembling violently - asking to check on her daughter - seems to calm Kylo. The burning in his eyes cools down and his heavy breath turns slower, the hard grip around her wrists turning softer - but not soft enough. 

He leans down then, whispering in her ear. 

“Go check on her.”, he says, voice still tight. “But when you come back to this bed, you will get on your knees and suck my cock.” 

“O-okay, okay just let me- Just let me go-”, Rey sobs before he finally releases her and she jumps to her feet immediately, trying to calm her breath but not before hurrying her way to the crib. 

Leaning over it, she sees Makaria. Sleeping peacefully with not a worry on her mind, both her chubby arms over her head and pacifier in her mouth. It’s a grey one that Rose bought, it says ‘Aunty loves me’.

Seeing the baby fine and healthy, the panic of not being able to reach her in time settles down and Rey lets out a shaky sigh, her fingers gripping the edge of the crib harder. Her heartbeat calms down, but the two burning holes on the back of her head don't stop stinging and suddenly it hits her what she has to do. 

She was in such panic that she forgot what she agreed to, but she cannot run anymore. 

Rey has a daughter to protect - from men that want them gone - but the thought doesn’t make the anxiety any easier to handle. It’s as if two heavy stones are resting on her shoulders and whenever she realizes that she  _ can’t  _ escape anymore, that's when they become heavier. 

If she just  _ accepted  _ her situation - as Kylo said - there wouldn’t be any more anxiety, panic, and heavy stones. She could feel alright again. Not be frightened whenever Kylo moves, and not feel nauseated whenever she thinks of her agreement. 

Her mind would finally rest and not run on these awful thoughts and feed her anxiety. It would be peaceful in her mind. 

Maybe… maybe she has to do as he says and just accept it… 

Rey swallows, fixing the baby’s blanket with trembling fingers just to buy herself time because he’s waiting and she knows that he’ll wait. Until the sun rises, until it’ll fall back down again and forever and ever. 

He’ll never leave her alone and maybe she needs to accept that.

After minutes of simply staring at her baby, Rey turns around - gripping the crib for support - and finding Kylo on the bed with his arms under his head. Only a small unknown light from the outside seeps through the windows, and it’s enough to show off his massive body in the middle of the bed. Naked except for the boxers, and Rey has almost forgotten how much of a warrior he looks like. Every surface is pure muscles and scars, and if it wasn’t for the awful fear lurking in her mind, her mouth would have salivated a long time ago. 

Kylo Ren is handsome - it was one of the reasons Rey fell so hard for him. The way his confidence carries him through every room and his imitating eyes analyzing everything around him excited Rey once in time - out of fear and attraction. 

And now - when he lifts himself with the help of his elbow and curls a finger towards her like a predator - Rey can’t help but feel the same excitement that once buzzed in her blood. 

“Come here, sunshine…”, he whispers with dark eyes and Rey takes two deep breaths to calm her racing heart - she’ll faint any second now. Yet she takes two small steps towards the bed and slowly places her knees on the soft surface of the bed. 

_ Accept it, Rey. No more depression. No more sadness. Just peace...  _

Their eyes are locked on each other as she slowly crawls towards him, feeling her cheeks flush once she’s sitting in his lap - each knee beside his thighs. As he lets a palm cup her cheek, Rey suddenly finds it a bit easier to think that maybe she can accept her situation. Especially when he looks at her like that. 

As if she’s his everything - his most important item - and it doesn’t matter how much she goes to therapy and whatnot. 

She’ll always be addicted to the feeling of wanting to be loved, of wanting what she has lacked the past 20 years of her life and her parents. 

And when Kylo looks at her with those eyes -  _ fuck!  _

It’s so scary, how easy she can just… surrender.

Kylo klicks with his tongue, letting his thumb caress her lower lip. 

“See how you make me act like I’m the bad guy?”, he mumbles, probably taking her frightened face for when he had pinned her down just minutes ago and not fear for the way Rey is falling. “When you don’t behave like you are supposed to?”

“I need to….”, Rey whispers, breaking eye contact and looking down. Hands resting on his abs. “I need to see her. Or I’ll panic.”

Kylo hums satisfied and Rey realizes then that whenever she’s talking about Makaria - of how she needs to care for her - he calms down. Body language immediately lighter and mood much pleasant. It’s often that he praises her for being a good mother. Why does it please him so much? 

He suddenly leans forward, their lips meeting in a deep kiss, and Rey's breath hitches in surprise when his tongue slips into her mouth. Causing Kylo to chuckle and the sound goes straight to her parts. 

Once he leans out, Rey breathes heavy and feels dizzy by the lack of air. Eyes half-opened and moaning when Kylo kisses away the saliva on her lips. His erection is pressed against her ass and apart from hours ago - when he forced her on the couch - it doesn’t scare her as much. 

It’s a difference whenever Kylo decides to be nice or not, and it’s not a comforting thought. The only difference between now and before is that he’s seducing her with kisses and not throwing her against a couch. 

“Apologize, Rey.”, Kylo demands with a husky voice against her lips, eyes black in excitement. 

_ Just... accept it. _

Rey nods, swallowing as she slowly starts to crawl lower on the bed. It’s sick how they have their own codes by now. 

Because Kylo doesn’t believe in the word sorry. It has to be shown in the form of action, and forgiveness to Rey has always meant one thing. 

By the time she’s facing his boxers, she can already see him hard through the fabric. Before she starts to think of how she shouldn’t do this and not fall for him again, she takes his manhood out of his underwear and closes her eyes. 

The hiss Kylo lets out when Rey drags her tongue under him causes her to shiver violently. Wanting more out of his voice, wanting to please her king further. It doesn’t take long before she continues to lick with the flat of her tongue, slow yet determined. The taste of salt and pine filling her scent, when she slowly pushes him into her mouth. 

“ _ Fuck… _ ”, Kylo whispers to himself between pants. Pushing himself up on an elbow and cupping the side of her head, loose strands of hair between his fingers. “Look at me, Rey…”

She does, eyes meeting as she bobs her head up and down his shaft, and he hisses through clenched teeth. Swiping his thumb over a string of saliva running down her chin. “You’re mine, baby. My good girl. Isn’t that right?” 

Rey moans with fluttering eyes - clenching her legs together uselessly when he takes his lower lip between his teeth. She is his, she will always be. He took her virginity, has his name on her body and she in return has his baby. 

How much Rey tries to deny it, she’ll always end up kneeling for him. 

The slick sound of Rey’s mouth working over him and Kylo’s shaky breaths fills the room, not loud enough to wake Makaria and not enough to bother Rey at the moment. 

It goes on for minutes. Her jaw is aching and her panties are now drenched. She wants nothing but to make Kylo cum and him to praise her, then feel serotonin kick in. The same kick she used to die for before. 

The fingers in her hair tighten, leading her even further down and Rey has to do anything to not gag. Clenching her eyes as he leads the tempo even faster. 

“Just like that, sunshine...”, Kylo whispers between fast breaths, voice husky and so damn delicious. “Mine, baby. Your  _ mine- _ ” 

Then his breath hitches and Rey gasp in surprise when he pushes her head down further, feeling him shoot his cum in the back of her throat. His groans echo against the walls - Rey’s discomfort sounds too as she feels her eyes water and saliva dribbling down her mouth.

Then he pushes her face off himself and Rey swallows loudly - feeling the awful taste slide down her throat - before she starts to cough. Wiping tears, saliva, and cum of her face with the back of her hand as they both catch their breaths. 

And Rey’s mind starts to slowly work again.

_ Why did she do that? Why the hell did she do  _ that _-_

Before Rey can fully reload - and fully finish the sentence - she’s suddenly aware that he’s turning them both around on the bed. With wide eyes and heart up to her throat, Rey is now facing the ceiling and Kylo is snatching her panties down her legs - in the same position as she was just seconds ago. 

It doesn’t take long before Kylo is dragging the flat of his tongue against her cunt - and Rey places a palm over her mouth just in time before letting out a loud moan that shakes her entire body. Back arching and toes curling at the sensation she hasn’t felt for months. 

The first time Kylo licked her, Rey had felt ashamed and confused by the feeling. Now she grabs his black curls with one hand and grips the headboard over her head by the other. Crying and whispering his name as he spreads her open and flicks her pearl with the tip of his tongue. 

“Apologize, baby.”, Kylo whispers against her cunt. His hand creeping its way under her baggy T-shirt and pressing her abdomen down with his palm - holding her down in place. 

“I-I’m sorry!”, Rey moans, squirming in bed as he painfully drags slow circles against her clit.

“Sorry for what?” She cries frustrated. Didn’t she already ask for forgiveness? “Look at me!” 

On instinct, she follows his orders and their eyes meet once again. Her own half-opened and lips parted in vexation at the sight of him with a wet chin and hungry eyes.

“I-I’m sorry for trying to run from you!”

“What else?” 

“A-and for being bad - not letting you touch me.” 

“That’s right…” Kylo rewards her with a long lick and Rey let her head fall back into the pillow, clenching her eyes hard. “Don’t deny me anything. You belong to me, and you know that… Now say my name, baby.” 

She does, oh she does. She sings it like a song over and over again as her legs start to tremble, one of them resting on Kylo’s shoulder. His massive hand kneads the flesh of her hip, so hard Rey is sure it’ll bruise but she doesn’t mind one bit at this moment. 

His tongue keeps dancing around her opening and his fingers never press into her. It’s as Kylo is saving the best for last, and Rey knows that eventually - in about four days - he’ll push into her body and make it his mission to cum inside of her. 

But at this moment and this time, Rey doesn’t mind. She even wants what she just minutes ago dreaded. It must be the dizziness and a big cloud of pleasure that makes her brain not think straight, but just the thought of Kylo inside of her again causes her to almost cum. 

Her breath gets heavier, faster, and moans louder. As if an animal has taken complete control of her, she ruts against his face wildly and at that moment - slowly reaching the peak, at the top of the moment - she can accept this situation. 

She can be the mother of his second child, she can be his cleaner, his cook,  _ his everything _ because he sees her, he gives her attention, he gives her love-

Rey cries and she’s there. Hand over her mouth and eyes clenching hard. Her entire body shaking as wave after wave of pleasure wash over her body and she’s on fire. She’s on fire and she never wants the burning to end.

She’s still trembling by the time it’s over. Kylo comes up again, wiping his mouth as Rey’s fast pants fill the room, eyes fluttering under her lids. 

Like a price, he gives her a small kiss on her lips before spooning her in his arms - her head and palm resting against his chest, and his hand on her hips. Massaging the bruise that will form into his fingerprints. 

Rey can’t stop shaking in pleasure - feeling completely powerless and like a ragdoll the way Kylo arranges them on the bed. As if they are a loving couple.

Maybe they are now. Rey doesn't know, she doesn't know anything and she is so confused and exhausted from thinking. She just wants to close her eyes and moan whenever the post-bliss roles through her body. 

She can't stop shaking. Legs a quivering mess and her mind too. She's being seduced and she knows it, but she doesn't mind. Especially when she feels like this. 

_ Yeah, Rey is done for.  _

“Good girls get rewards…”, Kylo whispers in her ear, before Rey falls into a dreamless sleep. 

She’s _so_ done for….   
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone recognizing Rey's last words from chapter 14 in Regrets? ;)) 
> 
> My other stories…
> 
> [Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)
> 
> [Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- One-shot. Dark, Robbery, smut. 
> 
> [A String Attached To Your Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145/chapters/50917576) \- Looong story. Soulmate-AU. 
> 
> [Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.
> 
> [The Mad Empress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613834/chapters/59461759) \- ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP
> 
> [Gift](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26630401/chapters/64936441) \- ABO, Dark, reversed kidnapping, smut, WIP


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delayed chapter and for not answering your comments, I'm super busy n I'm not gonna lie, I'll be busier in the future. 
> 
> this chapter hasn't been read through (bc I'm super tired!!) but I'll do it tomorrow and fix needed errors 
> 
> mind the Tags guys!! 
> 
> Enjoy and I love you all!! ~

The house is empty the next morning and Rey is sitting on the couch with Makaria in her arms when the front door opens. 

“Mitaka…”, Rey says by the sight of him walking inside. With the same blazer and tie as last. It can’t be helped when she eyes the gun tucked into his waistband, before glancing up to meet his eyes.

The boy looked slightly surprised - probably because the last time they saw, she had yelled at him and was in a bad mood. But now, she’s sitting cross-legged on the couch with breakfast on its armrest and the baby in her arms while eating. As someone would do feel at home. 

Being stuck here for about half a year in total does have that effect, Rey guesses. Plus the fact that yesterday’s activity may have made her more relaxed. 

Just the thought of last night causes Rey to blush madly in both shame and pleasure. Besides the fact that it was heavenly, she can’t stop thinking about the consequences of it. 

What does this mean to Rey now? Has she accepted this situation as Kylo demands of her? Because she did yesterday and it felt good.  _ Really good.  _ Then there is the part of her that knows she’s being seduced. Seduced into obeying and being his doll he’ll play around with. The scariest part of it is that she's aware of the baby steps she takes back to the old path. 

Why else would she be sitting on the couch and not the room? Because Kylo told her to yesterday. 

_ “I let you hide in here today just because I’m nice…But it will not repeat itself tomorrow, dear.” _

Rey swallows in a panic yet she asks. “Where is Kylo?” 

“Oh, Master Ren needed to go somewhere urgent.”, he answers, scratching his non-existing beard in thought. “He left at six AM… or was it seven?”

Rey smiles at the young boy, reminding him of a normal human being besides the unemotional robots that work for Kylo. This one seems to be the least cold-hearted. Even if he tries to act all professional he sometimes slips - like the time he almost shit himself when Rey yelled at him about the crib. 

“How old are you?”, Rey asks and the question seems to take him off guard. Mitaka stares at Rey with raised eyebrows as if it was the most personal question someone could ask. 

Rey guesses that many people in that type of.... business they work in don't talk about stuff like the weather and birthdays. 

“Eh, I-I’m 20.” 

“Like me then...”, Rey mumbles surprised and the look on the boy's face turns uncomfortable when he glances at the baby in her embrace, sleeping with a thumb in her mouth. He’s an open book, she sees how he compares his situation with hers. She can almost hear his thoughts. 

_ Having a child that young. Yikes.  _

But being 20 and killing people as a professional isn’t a good place to be either. Just as he finds her situation bizarre, Rey can’t imagine how he’s able to sleep at night. 

“I guess we both are in bad circumstances...”, Rey whispers after a pregnant silence, glancing down at her baby. “Though mine isn’t that bad. Besides the diaper changing. It’s still fucking disgusting.” 

The comment in the middle of the uncomfortable silence causes Mitaka to laugh and Rey can’t help to join - yearning after some kind of comedy in her life. Between laughs and stupid comments, Rey realizes at that moment that they are just two teenagers in the same bad place. 

Rey misses being a teen sometimes.

Forgetting about the tough facade he always tries to put on, Mitaka sits down beside her and nods towards Makaria with a grin. Arms resting on his knees carefree and unprofessional. He’s a really bad actor, Rey realizes with a contained laugh. Or maybe he’s just tired of not being able to be himself. A teenager. 

“I can’t believe that it’s Master Ren’s child. My boss - always yelling and shit. How did he make something so cute?” 

Rey giggles, snuggling the baby against her heart before glancing up at the boy. “Kylo does yell a lot. Then he always throws orders around. It’s so annoying.” 

“Super annoying!”, he adds with a roll to his eyes, before straightening his back. “‘Mitaka, fuck off and get to work!’” 

The way he imitates Kylo so perfectly causes Rey to burst into laughter. 

“He woke me up at three AM to get him some cigarettes!”

“No way!” 

“I’m not kidding, he always does that! Just this morning he was like; ‘Mitaka! Go watch after my wife and see if there is breakfast for her!’” 

Rey’s smile disappears as fast as it came and her eyes widen. 

“As if anything is open at 5 AM to go grocery shopping-” 

“What...?”, Rey interrupts, staring at the boy with a pale face. 

Mitaka stares back at her, turning equally horrified as her - realizing that he let go of his facade minutes ago and he immediately stands up. Straightening his posture in an attempt to act professionally, yet he still throws his hands around in panic. 

“I-I didn’t mean ‘ _ watch after’  _ as you’d escape or anything, Mrs! Master Ren wants someone armed beside you constantly and-”

Mrs, there it goes again! Mitaka had addressed her like that before, but Rey brushed it off. Thinking of it as a mistake or simply just forgetting about such a small word. 

But is it really a mistake?

“Mrs.?”, Rey asks, completely panicked, and the infant whines when her arms tighten unknowingly. “Who is Kylo’s wife?”

Just for a microsecond, some sort of thought that Kylo may have someone else besides her causes dread to run through her body like fire, but she’s quick to realize that it’s not it. 

Because Mitaka stares at her, almost a bit confused, and answers back as she’s stupid. As it’s obvious to know when you are married to someone. 

“... _ You _ are.” Rey must turn pale because puzzlement turns to shock quickly. “H-he didn’t tell you?” 

What…  _ the fuck?  _

Waiting is the worst part but Rey thinks that facing the problem is even worse. Especially with him. 

It’s almost evening and Rey is sitting in the kitchen. Her arms crossed over her chest and teeth chewing on her abused lips. Mitaka stares at her from the living room and she can see sweat run down his face. Scared to death of whatever might unfold in front of him. 

“Mrs- Rey, I think you should just let it go…”, Mitaka had said, fear growing in his eyes when Rey had started to pace around the house. Her breath heavy and eyes shiny with tears. 

“No! I need to talk to him about this. He needs to know that it’s wrong, he’s gone too far this time!”, she had cried, stopping to face the boy. “I won’t tell him that you said it or anything. I’ll just say that I figured it out, so calm down. Go home.” 

“I- I can’t do that, and it’s not my safety I’m worried about…” 

Their eyes locked then, both equally terrified into silence and Rey starts to wonder if Mitaka knew how violent he can be, even towards women. 

Then she had started to wonder  _ which  _ woman Kylo has been with for Mitaka to know that fact and it doesn’t calm her anger. 

The hours go by and silence grows bigger - tension with it. Rey has one ear towards the front door and the other to the bedroom where her baby is sleeping, all while a nauseating feeling pool in her stomach. 

Mitaka’s warning to just keep quiet turns more appealing for the second. 

The front door suddenly opens and Rey feels her heart stop by the sound, immediately standing on her two feet in a panic. 

She and Mitaka share one more horrified look before Kylo appears from the hallway.

He looks tired - which isn’t surprising - but when he is tired, he’s angry. The expression he wears is vacant, but the waves of heat escaping his fueling body still hits Rey like a warning not to start anything. 

The meeting must have turned out bad. 

He immediately throws his blazer on the couch recklessly together with the car keys and Rey speculates that his exhaustion is the reason why he doesn’t seem to notice the tension created in the room. Both Mitaka and Rey are sweating in nervousness. 

Either that or he doesn’t seem bothered to care. 

“Mitaka, meet me in the office.”, Kylo demands as he walks up to Rey. Mitaka doesn’t even have the chance to answer before his boss has Rey pinned against his body possessively. Causing her breath to hitch and cheeks turn pink in embarrassment when he places a sexual-filled kiss against her neck shamelessly, letting his tongue roam over the skin. In front of Mitaka! 

“Yes, Master.”, the boy answered, leaving the living room and Rey lets out a whimper when Kylo bites into the skin. 

“Can’t wait to fuck you...”, he whispers against her skin and Rey clenches her eyes, feeling her underwear turn wet. “Once I’ll have you, I’ll fuck you so hard. So good. You won’t be walking straight for days…” 

“Kylo…” His name sounds shakier than what she anticipated but her voice still comes out clearly that she isn’t up for this right now. But when has her consent ever mattered to him? 

Rey knew that whenever he’d had a bad day, raging in full gear, that’s when he liked to abuse her the most. Just a glance over his shoulder and her widened eyes land on the kitchen floor. 

Several shivers run down her spine when it comes back to her. The memories. Of how he used to slam the door in anger, see Rey making food in the kitchen, and put the unbearable rage on her. 

A slap across the face, death threats in her ear and sometimes just push her to the floor and snatch her dress up. Slide into her to the point where it hurt and Rey couldn’t even let out a sob because Kylo started to threaten her. About how she’ll stay quiet, or else he’d fuck her harder. Until she’ll bleed until she’ll faint and until she  _ wouldn’t be walking straight for days- _

Rey places her palms against his chest and pushes him off her in pure panic, feeling her breath turn faster by the sudden crash of memories. “Kylo!” 

There is no point in resisting when it’s a bad day. Rey had learned that a long time ago, but she must have forgotten because Kylo’s eyes turn dark. Voice lowering. 

“What have I told you about trying to run away?”, he hisses and if it wasn’t for the anger - the questing burning on the tip of her tongue - Rey would’ve cried in fear and asked for forgiveness. The memories of his abuse still run too deep and the last thing Rey wants is to get hurt. 

But she can’t keep quiet anymore.

“Did you marry me?”, Rey cries, wide eyes looking up at him. “Without my permission?!” 

There are a lot of things Kylo has done without her permission. Kidnapping her, rape her, spank her, made a child in her. 

But there is something with marriage that makes it a lot worse than at the list of the above. Rey couldn’t choose to not be kidnapped, nor lose her virginity unwillingly. But marriage -  _ marriage?!  _ That is supposed to be her own choice. That - of all things Kylo has forced her into - should be Rey’s free will. 

Rey has never thought of marriage this early on - just like she never thought of children and other stuff Kylo has put her through. But she didn’t expect it to be like this. To find out about her  _ own  _ marriage from someone else. Just like every girl on this planet, she at least wanted flowers and a white dress and  _ fucking happiness!  _

How he could take this one thing away from her too? 

Kylo gives her that look again. When his eyes are blank - dead almost - and lips in a straight line. Watching her trembling chin and teary eyes almost like she’s boredom to him. Expression pure apathy and Rey knows that if it’s not anger, then it’s this. 

Just… nothing. 

“Yes.”, he finally answers and Rey bites her lips. Containing her tears and rage that both want out. The last time Rey felt this angry was just a few weeks ago. When he had come to her apartment and drugged her, just to hold Makaria then tell her about his deal. 

Memories of yesterday - of Rey’s own little happiness - disappears as soon as it comes. The small, blooming hope that this can maybe work is crushed under Kylo’s black sole. It’s so ridiculous and predictable, it makes Rey feel stupid. So fucking stupid that she thought that maybe, just maybe-

“I hate you!”, Rey cries, tears spilling down her cheeks. She sounds like a teenager screaming at her father but she’s so disappointed in herself. For actually hoping for him while scared of him. For wanting this when she knows it’s bad. To hurt herself and let herself fall again. “You take everything from me, everything! The least you could do is let me choose who I’m going to marry!” 

It turns quiet except for Rey’s heavy breathing and she refuses to look at him. Refuses to let him see her tears. The air is tense around them, the sun is setting and Rey is sure that Mitaka is hiding somewhere, listening to the conversation. 

Rey just wished that she was at home with her friends in the kitchen cooking dinner. Laugh at jokes and gasp at rumors. 

Just being happy. 

“Sunshine…” The way he says her nickname causes every hair on her body to stand and Rey feels her eyes widen slowly. Knowing that tone, knowing the danger of it. It’s playful, hiding the actual rage that he can’t control. The one that kills. 

Rey slowly looks up and just as she predicted, she feels her heart stop to race. 

His eyes are twitching - still blank as a dead fish - and his lips are in a dangerous smile. The one he used to give her whenever she took a step too far. Suddenly Rey is hyper-aware that it’s one of his bad days and what the fuck did she expect from them? 

Rey swallows, staring up at him. Feeling the sweat slowly collecting under her armpits. 

“Is there something you want to tell me? ” Rey shakes her head. “Are you sure? Come on, don’t be shy! Is there someone else you rather  _ marry? _ ” 

His voice reeks of jealousy - the dark and dangerous type. Not the one when the boyfriends see the girl texting with some other dude. No, that type of jealousy is  _ cute  _ compared to Kylo’s. It’s the same when she had screamed Finn’s name in his bed.

Now she has his name on her body. 

“N-no...”, Rey tries, but she can already feel her body start to shake. Thinking of the knife slicing her skin like a warm knife through butter. “No-” 

She lets out a loud scream when Kylo suddenly places his palm against her scalp and snatches her head by the hair, pushing enough for Rey to meet his eyes. She tries to grasp his wrist the best she can - both arms bent awkwardly behind her neck. The pain is unbearable and it shouldn’t be a surprise that he’s hurting her. Her horrified expression is only met with his smiling one - the same smile as that day - and she can’t hold in the sobs anymore. 

Rey is terrified. He scares her so much. 

“Have you been fucking someone else while I was gone? Huh?”, Kylo asks with a hoarse voice - all types of restraint gone - and Rey shrieks in fear. What the fuck,  _ what the fuck?  _

“No-”, Rey screams but she cries when he tightens his grip. Rey bends under him, trying to minimize the pain and she only shrinks under him. He’s so big compared to her and he only seems to grow with rage. 

“Don’t lie to me, baby. Tell me, I won’t get mad! Has anyone touched you? Got fucked by someone else?” 

Rey wants to scream at him that he left her when she was five months - no one wants a pregnant woman! The only type of pleasure she’s had when Kylo was gone was when she had masturbated and even that time she had thought of him! 

“I haven’t, Kylo! I haven’t-”

“Is is the cop?”, Kylo whispers and Rey turns pale. Poe. He’s talking about Poe. “Have you been fucking that cop, Rey? Tell me, baby, was it the cop?” 

“K-Kylo…” Rey is fully crying now, bent unnaturally under him. He won’t listen to her, his mind is already made. “Please…” 

Kylo stares at her for seconds, watching her cry before he lets her go and Rey falls. She lands on her knees, palms slamming against the floor and her scalp is throbbing. 

She would have pressed her face against the tiles and cried next if it wasn’t for Kylo’s sudden scream that causes Rey to jump startled.

“Mitaka!” 

As expected, Mitaka must have listened because he shows up not short after his boss’ scream. His eyes connect to her swollen ones immediately and Mitaka swallows painfully before glancing up. 

“Yes, master?” 

“That police officer - Dameron.” Kylo glances down at Rey with dead eyes. “Get rid of him.” 

Nothing - and absolutely nothing - explain the fear that swallows Rey. Like jumping straight into ocean-deep water, a cold tide just washes over her and she can’t do anything but to process. 

One, two, and three seconds go by. Their eyes are locked on each other, almost like a challenge and that's when Rey realizes. 

She won’t win. She won’t ever win this game. This is his world and Rey is just living in it. Wherever she goes, she’ll end up hurt. If not by Hux, then by Kylo and if not by Kylo, his actions will. Abusing her, hurting her friends. Who is next, Makaria? 

Rey will die anyway. She really has nothing to lose, at the end of the day. 

But Kylo has. 

Before he turns to walk away, Rey opens her mouth.

“I’ll leave.” Kylo stops in his tracks. “I’ll leave you. I don’t care if Hux get me. I rather have him kill me than being with you.” 

It becomes dead quiet and Mitaka looks like he’s about to faint by the doorway. But Rey’s eyes turn small and she’s ready when Kylo slowly turns his head towards her. Eyes once again twitching. A vein popping out of his forehead, breath turning heavier. 

That’s right. Kylo needs her more than what she needs him. And he knows that she knows that. 

“You’ll leave?”, he asks with a humorless chuckle, tilting his head as his lips return to its wide smile. “You’ll  _ leave? _ ” 

Rey starts to regret saying it, but she still nods stiffly. 

Kylo laughs before turning around and walking away. Going up the stairs and leaving Rey and Mitaka behind together with the echoes of his chuckling. 

Silence fills the floor once again and a breath Rey didn’t know she held is released. 

“Are you alright?”, Mitaka asks, hurrying to her side and helping her stand up. Rey’s legs are still shaking. She still doesn’t know if Kylo will hurt Poe and the uncertainty scares her. 

“Yeah, I’m alright-” Before Rey can finish her sentence, a sudden slam causes her to shriek and Rey and Mitaka both turn to the source. 

Through the window, she sees her phone - now shattered and just a piece of metal-junk. The hard surface of asphalt hasn’t given the phone a chance to survive and Rey simply stares at it with a wide-open jaw. 

He threw her phone out the window… 

It was the only thing that kept her connected. The only thing that could take her and Makaria away from here. 

Her laptop comes next and Rey twitches when the metal shatters into million pieces. 

The screen blinks a few times before it dies completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My other stories…
> 
> [Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)
> 
> [Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- One-shot. Dark, Robbery, smut. 
> 
> [A String Attached To Your Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145/chapters/50917576) \- Looong story. Soulmate-AU. 
> 
> [Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.
> 
> [The Mad Empress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613834/chapters/59461759) \- ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP
> 
> [Gift](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26630401/chapters/64936441) \- ABO, Dark, reversed kidnapping, smut, WIP


	9. Chapter 9

Rey needs to get the hell out of here. 

This isn’t going to work - this isn’t working. Every second that has gone by, Rey had to constantly remind herself that she’s here because of Makaria. They are staying here because of her safety.

But the moment Kylo threw her phone out the window, they both are now in greater danger. 

Even if Rey always felt uneasy and nauseated by the fact that she’s in this house again with Kylo, she knew that she had her phone. A connection to the outside world. Some sort of control of the situation, a feeling of safety knowing that the moment she wanted to leave, they could. 

But now she is here against her will, with no way out. 

How is this any different than a year ago, when Kylo had dragged her to the house and kept her there five months straight? 

The thought causes Rey to panic. She’s back where she was a year ago, but now with a child and the amount of fright she feels is not healthy. Rey was lucky enough the first time to seduce him and fish the keys out of his pockets, but he won’t make the same mistake again. And the house is guarded with his men that won’t do anything to save her. 

Will they be stuck here forever?

Will Makaria have to grow up in this house, not be able to go to school, and have Kylo beat Rey as she watches? 

She cannot allow that. 

“He’s sick... Your daddy is sick…”, Rey whispers to the baby while changing her diaper - lifting her bottom to powder. Rey seems to be the sick one, talking to a baby who can not do anything but to sleep and eat but she has no one else to talk to. “We’re leaving. We are going to leave, I promise that, baby. Mommy will get us out.” 

Makaria gurgles. 

Rey feels so stupid for agreeing to this in the first place, but she has to remind herself that she was desperate back then. She thought that Hux would be the bigger danger. 

She was wrong. 

Her scalp is still throbbing and Rey remembers the anger in Kylo’s eyes - the threat he left behind. The fact that Poe’s life is in danger because of her humble request causes her to be even more determined. 

Rey refuses to be the same weak bitch she was about a year ago. At that time, she had lost herself and her lust to survive months ago. She had nothing to lose.

But now Rey does - she has  _ everything  _ to lose - and she will do  _ anything  _ to keep her baby safe. 

_ Anything. _

Kylo isn’t home the next morning. 

Rey suspects he hasn’t been home the whole night. Probably handling business or taking his anger out on other women, as he did to her whenever he had a bad day.

The thought nauseates her. 

Mitaka confirms his absence by greeting her in the morning because Kylo always has him watch her when he isn’t around. The poor boy stands by the island in the kitchen with a straight posture and worried eyes. It doesn’t match him. 

“Mrs. Ren- Miss. Niima-”, he switches when seeing the discomfort on her face and Rey just shakes her head. Her whole body feels sore and her eyes are swollen. It’s like she woke up like a statue, heavy and too exhausted to drag her body around. 

“Just call me Rey, please…”, she mumbles, going for the fridge. She isn’t hungry, but she needs breakfast to create food for her baby. 

Rey ignores Mitaka’s worried glance. He’s still thinking about last night when Kylo threw her stuff out the window and screamed into her face about fucking someone else beside him. But Rey doesn’t want to talk about it. Doesn’t want to show how much it scared her because she doesn’t trust Mitaka. 

Sure, he’s a nice guy and some sort of safety to Rey. Someone her age, listening to her and worrying. But Rey knows he’s extremely loyal to Kylo - not because he feels so, but he’s frightened by him.

Nothing can indicate that Rey plans to leave one way or another. 

“Uhm… Rey, I-”

“You know what?”, Rey closes the fridge, turning her body towards him, and shakes her head. “I should've listened to you from the start. It was stupid of me to just say  _ stuff  _ like that.” 

Her eyes start to water and she throws her arms around in frustration. Mitaka looks like he regrets bringing it up from the start - not that he said anything.

“It’s just- I can’t have anything for myself anymore! Not even something as little as privacy or a damn phone, and I just wished Kylo could understand that! I love him so much, but he never understands that I have needs too!”

Rey adds heavy sobs to the speech and she sees Mitaka panic for every tear that runs down her cheek. 

“I know what you’re thinking! That I’m crazy, but it’s just my hormones speaking and my breasts, they hurt so much-”

“O-okay, I understand-”, Mitaka cries but Rey doesn’t stop. Bawling her eyes as she places her palms on her tits. 

“I just wished he would at least let me get some fresh air, my doctor told me that fresh air is good for milk production,”, Rey squeezes her eyes and wails. “I just  _ need  _ some fresh air-” 

“I think I can fix something!”, Mitaka screams, both his arms up in the air and face red in embarrassment. “F-fresh air, right? I can follow you out to the garden, will that make you happy?” 

Rey calms down, sobs slowly as she wipes her widen eyes.

“It would.” 

Good thing Mitaka is so scared of upset women. The boy is so focused on following his boss’ orders that he forgets the order itself. 

Keeping an eye on Rey. 

_ War and Peace. _

Rey reads the title of the book in her hands several times, before reaching her arms out and letting the heavy book fall to the floor. 

It’s only a fall of a few inches to the floor, but the book still causes the ground to vibrate under her, and Rey can’t help but smile to herself. 

A whine causes her to turn her head towards the crib, where Makaria is squirming uncomfortably in her pink, warm overall. Ready to meet the cold that has taken over the summer for this year. 

The poor thing is way too warm in that thing inside, but they’ll soon go out for a small walk in the garden. With its dead bushes and covered in grey leaves. Mitaka didn’t promise much more. 

“I know, baby. I know.”, Rey whispers as she hurries to the window. “Mommy just has to fix something.”

She slowly opens it, careful to make sure that no guards are outside before letting the book balance between the edge and the long, loud fall to the concrete just outside. 

_ This can go extremely wrong, _ Rey thinks before setting a small, egg-shaped timer beside the book,  _ or the opposite. _

It’s set for 10 minutes. 

  
  


Rey had Makaria pressed against her chest when she pokes out her head through the door, feeling the cold wind hit her in the face. It causes her eye to water, but she sees Mitaka talking with two angry-looking guards. Hand flying around as he’s explaining the situation, but the men don’t seem to care at all. 

Of course, the guards aren’t happy about this. Their order is to protect Rey from anyone lurking outside the house, while Mitakas is to care for Rey. Their assignments clash but Rey needs Mitaka to win this argument. 

Rey pushes her baby’s pink knitted hat over her ears while trying to listen the best she can. Small whispers of ‘boss’, ‘orders’ and ‘danger’ are heard often, but after a few more minutes Mitaka turns to the door and motions her to come out. 

“Only for a few minutes, then we need to get inside.”, he tells as the guards shake their heads displeased, parting their ways to surround the garden the best they can. Rey eyes them carefully, nursing her child gently against her chest. They’re only wearing leather jackets in this cold. 

“Thank you.”, Rey mumbles, nodding her head once. “Really.” 

She hopes her timer rings soon enough. 

Mitaka only nods back before taking a few steps away. Probably to give her space and Rey walks closer towards the woods that surround them. Very discreet, only a few steps at a time. She feels like a caged animal, only allowed a few squared feet to move freely in, but soon she’ll be a free woman. 

Makaria suddenly whines, throwing her arms around displeased and that’s when Rey realizes that her heart is beating like crazy - stressing her poor baby out. With trembling fingers, Rey takes a pacifier out of her pocket and she feels sweat collecting by her hairline - even in this cold. She can sense all three men staring at - eyes burning in her neck - and she suddenly remembers that Kylo wants her to be safe, but it’s his daughters that matters.

Makaria is Kylo’s priority number one and his men know that. Them seeing her in discomfort by the cold will destroy her plan. 

_ When will that damn timer ring? _

“We should get inside…”, Mitaka says, clearly bothered that his boss’ daughter is whining. “The minutes have passed-”

That’s when Rey hears a faint ringing and not long after, a  _ loud  _ bang. 

Rey knew that the book landing would be loud, but she didn’t expect it to be like  _ that _ . It echoes loudly around them, causing birds to fly in terror away from the trees and as predicted; 

It sounds exactly like a gunshot. 

The guards haven't even had the chance to take out their own weapons before Rey bolts towards the woods. 

They are distracted - screaming and ordering men through their walkie talkies to prepare for war. It’s a mess - caused by a fucking book - and Rey is running for dear life. 

She doesn’t look back once, only down so that she doesn’t trip over rocks or slippery rots. The cold air painfully fills her lungs as she runs, breath heavy and loud. 

She needs to find the main road, she needs to find it. 

Her baby is pressed against her chest and Rey thanks God for being blessed with such a good girl. Makaria doesn’t whine any longer, just stares at her mother with wide eyes while sucking on her pacifier - jumping up and down in her mother's arms. 

Maybe seconds go by, maybe minutes, but Rey’s leg gives in and she cannot run any longer. Her knees hit the muddy ground - cold seeping through her dark jeans - and she presses her body against the closest tree.

With closed eyes, she tries to listen after footsteps, but she only hears faint voices of men screaming - ordering around - and her own breathing sounding like loud whines. 

It won’t take long before Kylo knows. Rey has to get moving and find the main road. If someone drives by, she’ll stop the car and tell them to call the cops. Or Finn. Just someone. 

Rey lifts her head and she’s surrounded by trees and nature. Of dead leaves and chirping birds. Her breath calms. 

Freedom already tastes good. 

  
  


It's when the sun begins to set that Rey starts to panic. She thinks she has walked around in circles because she didn’t expect it to take this long to find the main road. But she also ran without watching where she went and who knows where she is now. She could be in the middle of fucking nowhere with an infant in her arms - hungry, cold, and lonely. 

Rey’s jeans are wet and cold seeps around her. Her arms are trembling in exhaustion and her heart starts to race faster. The wind is whistling around the trees, branches hit her in the face and birds watch her curiously and mockingly. 

Every step feels like the ground bites her soles.

Makaria is exhausted, whining, and beginning to lose it. Her eyes are clenched and her body is stiff - sliding out of Rey’s embrace in protest of her bed. 

If there is one thing the child got from her father, it’s her anger and impatience. Makaria knows that she is a princess and when she doesn’t get what she wants, chaos ensues. 

“Please, baby…”, Rey mumbles when she starts to throw around her arms, crying. “Please-”

Rey’s breath hitch. 

She sees an end. 

She sees the road. 

Either she laughs loudly in happiness or she starts to run first - Rey isn’t sure - but all she knows is that the concrete further away is beautiful and within her reach. 

There aren’t any street lamps on the road that lights up the way, but the setting light from the sun is enough. If Rey had escaped half an hour later, she wouldn't have been able to see it. It’s as if faith has it all put out for her. 

Her feet are aching so she walks fast the best she can and for every step Rey takes closer, the more Makaria starts to cry and the more Rey tunes everything out. She needs to run but it’s like all thoughts of escaping Kylo pass her mind. The only thing Rey thinks of is warmth, food, and safety. Of resting her legs and putting her baby down somewhere. She is so exhausted, so damn exhausted all the time and she just wants peace. Why can she never have fucking peace-

Rey hears a branch break under someone's feet - certain that it’s not hers - that causes her to stop in track with widening eyes. 

Reflex sets in and instead of not looking behind her and running for her dear life, Rey makes a sharp turn. 

Her breath hitch when she sees Mitaka. 

He’s leaning by a tree - a hand pressed against the bark. The suit he wears doesn’t fit in in the forest and he looks equally shocked as Rey when their eyes meet. It’s as if he didn’t expect to find her at all, and it isn’t until he throws a worrying glance at Ria that Rey realizes her baby is crying. Leading him to her, like a moth towards a dying light.

Mitaka’s chest is heaving - either out of relief or exhausting - and Rey feels herself start to dread. Despair slowly growing in her empty stomach.

No, no,  _ no  _ she is just feet away from her goal! A few more steps to the road and she'd be able to navigate her way back home or ask an unlucky stranger for a ride or phone. This cannot end like this, it won’t do, it  _ won’t! _

Ria’s cries echo around them. 

“Mitaka…”, Rey starts, feeling her lip starting to tremble before swallowing. It’s painfully dry inside of her mouth but she knows that if he takes her back, Kylo will hurt her more. “Let us go. No one has to know. Please. I’m begging you...” 

Mitaka stares at her. A cold wind sweeps through the trees and around them, causing an eerie whistling to play. He opens his mouth several times like a gaping fish before he says something. 

“I can’t do that…”, he finally whispers. “I might as well kill myself. If I’ll bring you back, the best I’ll get is some broken fingers.” 

Rey’s mind turns blank - the same moment her heart breaks. 

She never thought of the consequences Mitaka will suffer. How could she? Rey had been so blinded to escape that everything tuned out around her and now she is stuck facing reality. 

If Kylo doesn’t hurt her, he’ll hurt her surroundings. 

It could be a trick. It could be a way to lure Rey back because she is sure Kylo is aware of her fragile heart. But the look on Mitaka’s face says it all. 

Tears fill Rey's eyes because Mitaka hasn’t really denied her. She is sure that if she ignores his pleading, she could turn around and he wouldn’t do anything about it. Mitaka would let her go. 

But Rey isn’t capable of being selfish like that. Oh, how she wished she could just shrug uninterested and turn around for the sake of herself and her baby. To see only the road for her life and no one else. 

But Rey can’t. She’s weak like that and it’s a daily reminder of how bad of a mother she is. 

It also reminds her of the hate the universe has for her. As soon as Rey starts to wish for more - when she’s in the second of touching happiness at the tip of her fingers - that’s when it snatches her two steps back. She can’t even take a half step forward. 

It was meant to be that Rey will always be unwanted in this miserable universe. 

Makaria keeps crying, keeps screaming like mad man and Rey joins her daughter. Tears leak out of her eyes as she walks towards Mitaka, refusing to meet his eyes yet begging him to lead the way back. The road behind her whispers to come back, but it’s only that. 

A whisper in Rey’s head. 

The boy starts to walk quietly - the dead leaves and branches sighing for every step - and Rey continues to wail after him. 

When Rey had been a free woman, the birds had been singing beautifully. Now it sounds like laughter. 

Rey is sitting on her bed. Hair newly washed and wet on her shoulders, baby dead asleep in her crib. The second Rey lay Makaria down, the infant had closed her eyes and collapsed into a deep sleep. Her baby was exhausted. 

“Wait in your room…”, Mitaka had said once they arrived - standing by the door - voice gentle and eyes downwards. “Master Ren will arrive soon.” 

That’s why he acts as if they’re at a funeral. Rey might be dead tomorrow, but she has immunity. She has her womb. 

“Mitaka…”, Rey had whispered, wiping her swollen eyes. “I’ll try to make sure nothing happens to you.” She cannot promise anything, but Rey couldn't live with herself if she at least didn’t try. Mitaka doesn’t deserve this. 

The boy smiled half-heartedly. He doesn’t believe anything will happen. “You should take a shower, Rey.” 

Rey did. And now she waits. 

The clock in her room mocks her, staring right into her soul and Rey thinks she might vomit any second now. Soon the clock will strike a certain time and Kylo will arrive. 

Her head turns dizzy just by the thought of it. 

Flashbacks of several punishments just pop in her head and Rey has to clench her eyes and bite her lips to contain herself from screaming. Her whole body is trembling - as if making itself ready for death - and the clock keeps mocking her. 

How hard will he hurt her? Will he drag a knife through her skin or keep her underwater with tied hands? How far will he go?

Rey doesn’t have to worry any longer because the door suddenly opens, but she didn’t expect to see Mitaka.

“Master Ren is waiting for you in the living room.” 

Rey swallows in despair. The boy looks terrified. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My other stories…
> 
> [Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)
> 
> [Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- One-shot. Dark, Robbery, smut. 
> 
> [A String Attached To Your Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145/chapters/50917576) \- Looong story. Soulmate-AU. 
> 
> [Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.
> 
> [The Mad Empress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613834/chapters/59461759) \- ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP
> 
> [Gift](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26630401/chapters/64936441) \- ABO, Dark, reversed kidnapping, smut, WIP


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before reading, don't forget to READ THE TAGS

Everyone is gathered in the living room. 

From the top of the stairs, Rey sees about 30 men all in black standing with eyes covered with glasses and earbuds resting on their shoulder - implying that no business is to be handled at this meeting. Rey regrets wearing only a big baggy T-shirt she bought for herself, feeling too exposed with her bare legs, but not one soul is looking at her. 

Except for him, who is standing in the middle of the crowd. Hissing with clenched teeth and fury in his voice before becoming silent by Rey’s presence. 

And the glare he sends Rey causes her heart to stop. 

It makes her doubt herself, her immunity that she has. Maybe he’ll go and fuck a son into someone else belly. The hate and anger in his eyes are radioactive, goes right through her, and Rey truly thinks that he might kill her. 

He looks more than angry, more than furious. 

Rey cannot name it, only be reminded of the night he had cut her skin. When he had become so blinded with rage, so completely crazed, that he dragged a knife into her tied-up body and later raped her. Pushed himself into her dry, unprepared body that caused enough damage and agony for days. 

He had hurt her with no mercy, no second thought. Just blinded, psychopathic rage. 

Rey grips the handle of the stairs harder and she feels her legs start to quiver - breath turning faster. 

Oh god,  _ oh god. He’s going to kill me. _

At that moment, Rey rather has all Kylo’s workers stare at her then have his one burning stare on her. The eye contact between them isn’t long for Rey adverts her eyes fast in fear but it’s enough for her to know. 

Kylo will hurt her. Bad. 

Suddenly, all that fear, that buried, traumatizing fear that she had forgotten about, comes bubbling right up and it starts choking her. It’s like a reminder, a deeper understanding of why Rey had acted the way she did when stuck here. Because sitting with Dr. Ko Connix and telling her about the shameful things she did to survive got Rey thinking of why she acted so stupid. But Rey hadn’t been stupid. 

She was frightened by  _ this _ . Of this pain he could go so far for her to suffer and in return, Rey is now the one feeling stupid. 

Why the fuck did she think she could escape Kylo like this? She had not only put herself in danger but his child too. Kylo Ren’s fucking child. It doesn’t matter that she’s the mother, only that he is the father and that Makaria is his daughter. She is nothing but the culprit in his eyes. 

_ What the fuck has Rey done? _

“Rey…”, Mitaka whispers behind her, telling her to go forward or Kylo might just blow them all up. But her legs are frozen to the ground and it takes minutes of just staring into a reverie with widened eyes before she can walk again.

One small step forward at a time. Her face turns pale and sweat builds around her hairline. She’s freezing cold yet on fire and like flame the workers just part into two. Creating a path that leads straight to Kylo in the middle and they do so without even throwing her a glance. 

Kylo watches her with the same raging expression feet away. Arms in front of him, hands clasped together and legs wide in a stance. 

This is what hell must look like. 

But Rey walks towards him, walks down the awful path with trembling bones because she has nowhere else to go. She cannot escape him and she’s a fool for believing that but she just wants what’s best for her daughter. Rey just wants Makaria to live a good, safe life. 

Is that too much to ask for?

By the time Rey stands before him she’s dizzy, nauseated, and maybe seconds from fainting. Rey had feared for her life many times since that first day Rey heard a gunshot outside her apartment, but she has never felt like this. Like a torn Tenga ready to crumble any second. 

Her heart is beating so hard that Rey thinks it skips a few beats, her toes; she cannot feel them and her teeth are clinging against each other. Eyes blank with unshed tears as he stares at her.

He just stares, stares, and  _ stares  _ and the silence messes with her head more than screams would and Rey doesn’t know what he wants from her  _ what to do what to say  _ so she just opens and closes her mouth several times in pure panic before letting out a shaky sob - trying to just  _ say something! _

“...I-” 

That’s the only thing she manages to say before she’s cut off. Before she knows it, Kylo raises an arm, and a sudden, hard pain just  _ explodes  _ on her face. The sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed in the room and the taste of blood in her mouth comes next. Lastly comes her eerie cry - the impact so hard that she falls to the floor immediately.

It takes time for her brain to start functioning again. Her ear is ringing and her sight is completely black as if she’s passed out. But she still feels the pain blooming across her whole face and she can hear herself breath loudly with an open mouth. Everything is spinning and she’s holding on to the floor for dear life. 

Rey knows this pain, has been slapped across the face countless times. But these slaps, these he saved for special occasions. With the back of his hand, with such force that will leave a colorful bruise for days and with no mercy at all. 

“You let yourselves get played by a child - a 20-year-old girl.”, Kylo says, voice filled with disgust and restrained anger. “My supposed  _ best  _ workers. What a fucking embarrassment...”

It’s completely silent in the living room except for Rey’s sobs and movements, trying to sit up the best she can. She starts to cry, curling up to a ball on the floor next. The pain and embarrassment are unbearable. The fact that everyone saw and sees her now, unable to even sit up, humiliates her deeply. She’s ashamed. 

“Leave.”, Kylo demands and his men start to move towards the door but not fast enough. “Leave!” 

His scream empties the house within seconds and Rey barely hears the door shut after the last man leaves. Her ears are still ringing and the pain turns into an intense headache - vision still blurry. Maybe it’s her tears. 

Like a kicked puppy, Rey sobs on the floor quivering until she hears two fasts steps come towards her. She doesn’t even have the time to glance up before Kylo takes a violent grip around her arm. Snatching her body up and Rey cries loudly. His fingers are digging so hard into her flesh it feels like the blood circulation has been cut off. 

“Kylo, please-”, she wails but he just walks and takes her body with him.

Everything is still spinning and her cheek throbs terribly. The consequences of his slap have left Rey completely shaken. Her body is out of balance and her sight is still blurry - ears still ringing slightly. But he just keeps dragging her like a lifeless doll as she stumbles and falls up the stairs with painful sobs. 

Rey has no sense of navigation until they stop and with a violent push, Kylo throws her body off himself as disgusted of her, Rey falls back with a cry and lands on something soft. Eyes immediately meeting the familiar ceiling she has so many nights looked up at - either praying or wishing that she was dead. 

They’re in the bedroom. 

Rey’s breath hitch, snatching her eyes to her left to see the crib by the bed. It takes several hard blinks for her vision to clear, blinking the haze and tears away before she can see the outlay of the sheep carved into the wood of the crib. The lulling sound of Ria’s deep, sleeping breath is heard and Rey tries to roll on the bed - spreading her arm out in a stupid attempt to reach her baby. 

But Kylo’s painful grip takes once again hold of her reaching wrist and rolls her back to the bed hard. Rey whimpers by the pain and has to once again blink several times before seeing Kylo hovering above her - busy griping her other wrist to pin above her head. 

“Got a lot of nerves threatening my child's safety like that. Should’ve done this a long fucking time ago…”, he mumbles to himself before his free hand starts to open his belt. 

If this had happened only a year ago, Rey would’ve panicked. She would’ve cried and screamed and thrown her limbs around like a crazed animal ready for slaughter. Maybe even beg Kylo for forgiveness or curse for not killing herself sooner. 

But those times are over now. There is a root somewhere deep inside of her that understands this game of his - knows what to do. 

It’s a game of constant give or takes, sun and moon, pain and happiness. 

Even if Rey decided to scream and shout, there would be no use. Kylo is the one who decides what happens to her - he is her God, after all. Her destiny lays in his hands. Trying to escape takes out on her energy, both mentally and physically, and it’s energy she cannot afford to spend. 

Rey has a daughter she needs to think of now.

So she watches Kylo with careful eyes, his black hair covering his face as he concentrates on opening the zipper of his pants. Rey swallows but the hard rock in her throat doesn’t budge though.

Even if this is once again a war she has lost and even if this is something she has expected, it still causes her eyes to water. Lips to quiver and eerie despair to consume her - shaking her to the core. This is a horror she's way too familiar with by now.

Even so, it never gets easier. It never hurts the less. It’s a nightmare all over again. 

“Not in front of her, please…”, Rey whispers, closing her eyes in an attempt not to cry loudly when she feels his hand creep its way under her big T-shirt and straight for her panties. 

Kylo doesn't answer, eyes blackened by rage and determination. Soon her cotton panties are dragged down her legs and thrown behind his back. 

_ He’s so angry with her, he’s going to hurt her so bad- _

A finger suddenly probes between her lower lips, dragging its way between, and Rey’s eyes bulge out. A shriek escaping her lips and her back arching in surprise. It’s nowhere near pleasurable. It feels like a medical examination - cold and violent with stiff moves searching for its goal. 

“Fuck...”, he mutters annoyed, feeling how she isn’t wet enough to penetrate. So his fingers drag its way up until it lands on her clit. 

Rey gasps loudly when the tip of his massive finger starts to circle. It’s one of his methods to make her climax faster and turn her wet together by kissing her neck. Because he knows exactly how to push her buttons. How to turn her on.

Make her feel loved and taken care of. 

But it’s all just fake - a part of manipulating her body to his advantage.

As expected, his lips touch her neck soon enough. Rey doesn’t even have the time to protect the skin with her shoulder and dread starts to grow in her stomach. Her breath quickening and her body starting to rattling under his heavy body as he continues his violation. Finger in slow circles as the grip around her wrist turns tighter. 

“No, no!”, Rey cries, sobs escaping her clenched teeth as his soft, plump lips kiss under her jawline. “Stop! 

But he continues - even as Rey cries and tries to shake her body for freedom. It’s so robotic, his movements. The kisses and touching is only a way to make her yield faster under him and as soon as she is wet enough for him - as soon as she thinks that maybe he won't hurt her, maybe he loves her - he’ll lean out and stare her straight in the eyes with such hatred that makes her question everything. His actions and even her sanity. 

It must have gone minutes. Half an hour maybe of Kylo’s licking and sucking on her neck while stimulating her until Rey actually starts to feel something build in her lower stomach. She has resisted him, throwing her head back and kicked with the foot of her heels against his lower back. But he has held her down like an eagle with food under its claws and just continued to the point where her body can’t resist anymore. 

A small moan manages to escape her lips together with whimpers and tears of frustration runs down her cheeks as her legs start to rattle for a different reason. It has never felt so wrong and stiff before to finish like this. Rey knows what comes after, what her climax leads to, and the fact that she has to be quiet so Ria won’t wake up seeing her mother be violated makes her almost want to throw up. 

So when Rey closes her eyes and cries, arching her chest into Kylo’s while he sucks the skin of her neck roughly, the pleasure that consumes her is the worst thing she has ever felt. Just like Kylo’s intention, it’s a sharp wave that showers over her body fast and quick for three small seconds before Rey’s down to earth again. It's the most awful climax she's ever had. Her vagina feels sore and it already hurts. 

It takes everything in her not to cry when, predictably, Kylo leans out from her body immediately. His vacant expression is just a mask of the psychopath that’s hiding in Kylo’s beautiful body, but the eyes are the gateway to him. And in his eyes, she sees his anger. Hatred and rage that Rey knows will be the death of her one day. 

He sits on his heels, just taking a second to drink in the picture. Rey’s shuddering body and spread legs in front of him - arms still restrain over her head. She refuses to meet his eyes. 

“Should’ve done this the moment you fucking arrived…”, Kylo mumbles and Rey throws her head back when she feel him prob with his cock next, then slowly sink into her heat. 

Rey gasps, eyes stinging by the thought that this is not how it was supposed to be. The last time she had sex was that time he came to visit. Even at five months pregnant, it had been wonderful. It was emotional, sensual, and pure love-making - Rey had never felt so loved in her life.

Rey didn’t expect that her next time would be the complete opposite. 

The grip around her wrist releases and his palms hold the meat of her hips instead. With stiff thrusts, Kylo pounds into her slowly and Rey does nothing but stare up the ceiling - waiting for this to come to an end. She won’t orgasm, he won’t allow it, and the way he keeps his distance, the way he refuses to acknowledge her as anything but a body to use causes her to sob once again. 

But that’s not what bothers her. 

Rey glances at Kylo’s who is staring right at her - as if her face enough will trigger his orgasm. 

“When are you going to punish me?”, she asks with a weak voice - trying to hide her quivering lips. Because she knows that this isn’t her punishment, even if he’s fucking her against her will. That’s obvious so this is not where it ends. He’s planning something worse and Rey would rather have it done now than later. It’s like having her head under a guillotine and not knowing when the sharp blade will strike. The anxiety is awful. 

Kylo simply stares at her before smirking a cold eerie smile. Then he thrust into her hard mockingly and Rey squeals - gripping the headboard over her head in panic. 

“Where would the fun be if I told you?”, he whispers and Rey clenches her eyes when the ramming becomes more violent. His fingers digging into the skin of her hip while pushing her further into the bed. It hurts. “Now, close your eyes and think of England…” 

Rey tries not to cry but by the time Kylo finishes, digging his pelvis against hers with a loud grunt, she’s in a full mode meltdown. She feels his spend fill her up and cock twitch inside of her - his sharp groans echoing in the room. Tear and snot running down her face which she covers with her palms, her whole body trembling like a leaf. 

She feels so disgusting. 

“Hush, sunshine.”, Kylo mocks with heavy breathing, taking a pillow and placing it under her hip - preventing his cum from leaking out of her. He slowly drags himself out of her next. “Don’t want to wake the child up...” 

It causes her to cry louder. 

She hears Kylo put himself back into his pants then leaving the room, threatening her to stay still before closing the door after himself and Rey doesn’t dare to take her hands off her face. She’d have to face Makaria who is still sleeping in the crib and it’ll only remind her that soon another little baby like her will grow in her stomach for yet the wrong reason. 

Rey cries because she should’ve never agreed to this arrangement in the first place. Even if Hux’ is after her, his malice seems much further away than Kylo’s. No child should be born if it’s not out of love, Rey stands by that strongly, yet she let this happen - twice now.

Despair eats her up and so does sleep. Makaria’s sleeping breaths are the last thing Rey hears before she falls. 

  
  


By the time Rey wakes up, her whole body aches. It’s dark around her, not a single light is lit inside of the room and it’s way too quiet. Yet the pain somehow reminds Rey that she’s alive. Even if she's nothing but a body in a cold, darkroom. 

Her back hurts, hips still resting on the pillow, and knees clenched together. It’s as if her body is frozen in the position like it heard the threat Kylo sent her and now is afraid to disobey. 

Then there is the bruise on her cheek and the ones on her hips where Kylo gripped her hard. It matches the initials beside it. He likes to bruise her, paint them on her, and Rey wonders why. 

To mark his property? 

Rey sighs and throws an arm over her face. 

Then there is her sore cunt and swollen eyes. Even her breast is aching, filled with milk wanting out and-

Rey’s stills. 

It’s way too quiet. 

It doesn’t take seconds before Rey jumps from the bed, cold disgusting semen running down her leg, and the sight of the empty crib causes her breath to hitch. 

Makaria isn’t there. 

Naked feet slaps the floor when Rey rushes to the door and she almost slams her body into it when the handle doesn’t budge. Rey stares at it, holding her breath before trying the handle again. 

It doesn’t budge.

Rey stares and stares and simply stares as panic prepares inside of her, like a rocket ready for take-off. Her brain simply stops to work as if it’s taking a moment of silence for her sanity. She feels her body shaking, mouth letting out animal-like whimpers, and hand rattling the handle to see if her mind is playing a trick on her. It doesn't.

The handle doesn’t budge.

_ It doesn’t budge- _

  
  


The baby stares at Kylo with big, wide eyes - her small little thumb stuck in her mouth. Kylo can’t help but grin, rocking his daughter in his arm while brushing the black bundle of hair out of her face. 

She is a copy of Rey, Kylo realizes. Besides the color of eyes and hair, she has a pointy nose and cheeks tinted the same shade of red as her mother. It’s the same shade that Rey had when Kylo had her that time in her apartment. When he had told her those three words. 

Kylo tries to think back to that, but the faint sound of Rey’s screaming and her palms slamming the door from the upper floor makes it hard to. 

_ His wild little sunshine.  _

“Aren’t you such a sweetheart? My dear daughter - my own flesh and blood…”, he mumbles with a smirk, standing up from the couch. Away from his wife's eerie screams. She hasn’t screamed like that since he cut her body. 

The child gurgles, reaching her chubby arms up to reach the hair hanging around his face - unaware that her mother is locked inside the room like an animal. 

“Oh, I’ll spoil you crazy, my love. I’ll give you the world if you so ask.” Kylo chuckles. “To think I’d love someone more than your mother…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My other stories…
> 
> [Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)
> 
> [Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- One-shot. Dark, Robbery, smut. 
> 
> [A String Attached To Your Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145/chapters/50917576) \- Looong story. Soulmate-AU. 
> 
> [Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.
> 
> [The Mad Empress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613834/chapters/59461759) \- ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP
> 
> [Gift](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26630401/chapters/64936441) \- ABO, Dark, reversed kidnapping, smut, WIP


	11. Chapter 11

_ “You’re going to be such a great mother…” _

_ Rey smiles, digging her head into Kylo’s naked chest as his big palms run down her spine and up again. It’s such a calming, loving act. One that makes Rey forget that the same hands have killed several people and almost herself. _

_ But how can she care about that now that he told her he loves her? _

_ It could’ve been something he said in the spur of the moment - when he had thrust into her body and kissed her as if she’s his queen. It was the first time they’ve had sex in weeks, but also the first time they’ve made love. This had been pure love-making. They love each other.  _

_ Rey is sure that he had meant those words. Because Kylo is always calculated and sure when he speaks. He doesn’t say stuff he doesn’t mean and she won’t risk anything and ask if he had meant it. Kylo says something once and that’s final.  _

_ In that conclusion, Rey is floating on a cloud. It’s a satisfaction that makes her whole body relax and she glows from her toes to fingers. Someone actually loves her, Rey is finally wanted. When they are laying like this, naked under the sheets and her big stomach between them, they actually feel like a family. Like a domestic, normal family.  _

_ Rey can’t stop smiling, running her palm across her five-month pregnant belly as Kylo places soft kisses on her head. Eyelids are fluttering and sleep slowly takes her.  _

_ “Do you mean that?”, Rey asks in a whisper because she really wants to know. It’s okay to ask, right? Is it okay to believe all those things he says to her? That she is his sunshine, that she is his good girl and that she’s going to be a great mother. _

_ Kylo hums and Rey moans when he carefully palms one of her breasts, letting his thumb run over the darkened nipple. They’re so sore but Kylo seems to know exactly how to handle them. It’s relaxing and calming the way he caresses them. Rey closes her eyes, exhausted and satisfied. _

_ “Have I ever lied to you, dear?”  _

Yes,  _ Rey thinks but doesn’t have the chance to do more before he leans forward and attaches his lips around her nipple. A small whimper escapes her mouth and her hands immediately cup the back of his head - dragging her finger through his hair. Rey clenches her knees together by the sensation because he licks and sucks so gently. Not even sexually or aggressively. Rey isn’t sure if milk has been produced yet, but it doesn’t really matter. It feels so good.  _

_ It’s hard not to close her eyes and hum happily - feeling herself fall into a dreamless sleep as the sound of sucking and whispers fill the room. Her fingers playing with his beautiful black locks. It’s relaxing.  _

_ “No…”, she mumbles.  _

_ Rey hopes that Kylo will be by her side by the time she wakes up. _

  
  


When Rey wakes up, she’s completely alone. 

Curled up and against the door, hugging her knees in an embrace that has her body aching in every limb. Her body is still shaking, even half-asleep, and her eyes are swollen and hazed with a layer of despair. It’s still dark in the room, but Rey hears birds chirp from the window. 

It’s morning and it’s time to feed her baby. The milk leaks from her breasts and stains the big T-shirt Kylo took her in. The thought only reminds her of her sore cunt; it throbs painfully. 

Six weeks have gone by since Ria’s birth, but Rey still dreads that she wasn’t fully healed. It hurt when he thrust into her - staring at her while she cried. Rey shivers to the thought that it probably got him off, watching her squirm and whimper under him. He’s sick, after all. What does she expect from a psychopath? 

However, she’s reminded that he did it extremely hard to get his point across. He wanted her to suffer for what she did, but even if he left bruises across her hips and face, it still wasn’t enough. He had to take her baby too.

Rey digs her face into her knees, sobbing loudly.

How much did she scream last night? How long did she try to break the door? 

It must have been hours. Hours of just pure adrenaline running through her system because somewhere in the middle of it all, it just ran out and she slumped against the door. Heaving, rattling, and whimpering into sleep. The panic attack faded but it still didn’t stop her from panicking. 

Her baby isn’t with her. Makaria isn’t in her arms. What is he doing to her? What will he do to her? 

Rey wished she could’ve just stood up and continued the assault, but there was nothing in her left. Like a balloon, she ran out of air. Helpless, useless, and finished.  She should’ve never fallen asleep, she should’ve known that Kylo intended to hurt her bad.

_ How could she let this happen?  _

Looking up at the handle, Rey can almost hear her stiff neck crack by the movement. It still stares at her mockingly as it did the whole night and Rey swallows painfully - keeping in the tears that threaten to overflow. Like in slow motion, she reaches for the handle with a trembling arm and can barely feel it in her palm. Hands are so swollen the way she slammed them against the door last night. 

Rey thinks she’s hallucinating when she pushes down and opens the door. She stares at the crack for several seconds, waiting for the supposed episode to pass, but it never does and Rey realizes that it’s open. 

_ It’s open! _

She hears her child whimper from downstairs and Rey recognizes that specific crying, turning alert like a cat hunting for food. 

“Makaria!”, Rey cries with widened eyes, jumping to her feet and almost losing her balance before running down the hall. 

She knows all of her daughter's cries by now. This one, with the small gurgles and sobs, is a call for milk. Her baby is hungry and Rey’s heart breaks into several pieces because she promised herself that her baby would  _ never  _ go hungry. Never like herself, for is the worst pain a child ever has to go through. 

Rey’s naked feet slap the floor and she has tunnel vision when running down the stairs. Adrenaline is running in her system once again and it has her shaking like an addict for a kick, just wanting to hold her child. Rey needs to have Makaria in her arms, she  _ needs _ her-

Rey stops by the end of the staircase, almost tripping the way she cross brakes. Her widen eyes land on Kylo who stands feet away from her. 

He wears a perfectly ironed and tight-fitted suit in black. With styled hair, darkened eyes, and Rey’s baby in his arms.  He holds her against his chest with soft, gentle hands, the same hand that tensed when he slapped Rey across the face hours ago. Kylo’s big palm cups the back of Makaria’s head who whimpers and squirms with her soft, chubby arms. Hungry and impatient, just like her father. 

Makaria’s baby-pink one-suit doesn’t match his dark attire. She doesn’t fit in his arms at all. 

Rey takes an eager step towards him, only for him to take a step back. Her breath hitches, eyes already stinging. She can’t take any more of this. 

“Please…”, Rey mumbles, clenching her teeth. Seconds from falling apart. “Please, let me hold her!”

Kylo eyes her like she’s the devil herself when she is in fact nothing but a 20-year-old mother desperate for her child. She’s trembling by the staircase in nothing but a big, stained T-shirt and dried cum on her inner thighs. 

Doesn’t he get it by now?  He won. Rey is defeated and humbled just like he wanted her. She won’t defy him anymore, not when she knows what he’s capable of. 

Makaria's cries turn louder and Rey’s legs twitch as she bites her lips in anxiety - tear-filled eyes never letting go of her child. Something about hearing her baby cry is despairing. Rey cannot stand it,  _ she can’t! _

Kylo doesn’t seem to mind one bit. 

“This is the last time I remind you, Rey”, Kylo hiss, and Rey jumps by his harsh tone - afraid that he’ll hit her again. “Know your fucking place. You agreed to this deal too. I’d give you safety, you’d give me an heir. And how you define safety is the last of my fucking concern. As long as Hux doesn't get to you, I expect you to get on all your four and fulfill your end. Do you understand?”

Rey tries to hide her trembling chin, nodding slowly as tears run down her chin. 

“Answer me.” 

“Yes, I understand.” Her voice breaks and a shaky exhale escape her lips. “I’m sorry…” 

He likes when she apologized and at this point, Rey will do anything to hold her daughter. 

Kylo takes a step forward and Rey snatches her head up, watching her baby getting closer. Rey can’t help but reach out her shaking arms, breathing loudly in relief. 

_ Her baby, her child, her sweetheart! _

When Kylo’s close enough, Rey almost snatches Makaria from his embrace and she sobs as hysterically as her baby when she’s finally in her arms - that heavy stone containing anguish, hopelessness, and distress _finally_ dissolving in her stomach. 

Rey cries with clenched eyes, kissing her soft, black hair as tears stream down her face. Makaria is totally unaware and uncaring of her mother's happiness, throwing her limbs around and waiting for food. Rey spares no time, immediately dragging her T-shirt down until a breast pops out from the collar - leading Makaria’s parted mouth towards her nipple. Rey doesn’t even care that Kylo watches her like a predator, she’s just so relieved to have her child eating to the point that she smiles in satisfaction. 

Rey notices Kylo walking away, taking his coat hanging on the chair while aiming for the hallway and a sudden reminder hits her. 

“Kylo, wait!” He stops, looking over his shoulder with an annoyed expression. It takes time before Rey has the gut to open her mouth. “It wasn’t Mitaka’s fault. Please don’t hurt him.” 

Kylo glares at her in silence several seconds before walking towards the entrance. “Dinner better be ready when I get back,” he says before slamming the door after himself.

Rey is standing by the stove, watching the dinner boil, and she’s holding a ladle like a weapon she wishes to kill her husband with. It’s a frustration that has Rey trembling in place when she’s standing there barefoot, bruised and hair wet around her face. 

She’s exactly in the same spot as she was just a year ago. 

Rey took a shower together with Makaria once she barfed all over them and the child immediately napped thereafter. There was nothing else for Rey to do but to obey Kylo’s orders and get on the maid/whore schedule as before. Just the thought of hiding in the bedroom like she’s done all week causes her cunt to throb. 

If Kylo takes Makaria away from Rey again, she doesn’t know if she can handle it. Her whole body is quivering in exhaustion since she barely slept the night. Her throat still aches and the bruise on her cheek pumps with her heartbeat. 

Rey stirs the pasta with a grunt, trying to keep the tears in check. _She hates him, she fucking hates him._

Kylo had warned her yesterday; disobey him and there will be punishment. His morals haven't changed an ounce, even if they share something as mutual as a baby. Even a marriage. 

Rey stops stirring, staring at the food. A realization hits her. 

If Kylo’s morals haven't changed, that means this  _ deal  _ she agreed to will be a repeat in history. It's already so obvious. First Kylo lured her to the house in order to protect them, then he threw her phone out and cut all ties to the outside world. Lastly, he expects her to clean and cook then spread her legs for his pleasure - in other words, ‘give him an heir’.

If Rey hasn’t gone completely insane, then her theory is correct - the pattern is recognizable. 

Kylo is doing the only thing he knows is right and Rey would be a fool not to use this discovery to her advantage. 

The first time, Rey had fallen right into his trap and it was only a few days ago when he had spooned her against his chest that she almost fell again. This time Rey won’t be fooled. She will use history against him -  _ she  _ will be steps ahead in the game.

But where will she start? 

Rey stirs the pasta again, furrowing her brows. It was only three days ago that he threw her phone out the window when she confronted him about the marriage. If she hadn’t found out about it that day, then she’d probably be holding it in her palm right now. This time isn’t like the last - he had given her a privilege that he took away once she started to question him.

If Rey behaves and goes along with Kylo’s orders, she may get back the privilege to call her friends again. She doesn’t know what to do with the phone, but she’ll start from there. 

Once dinner is cooked, Rey manages to eat hurriedly before Makaria screams violently from upstairs. It feels awful to leave her baby in another room, but Rey has to work. She would rather have her baby sleeping in her crib than in Kylo’s arms again. 

But when Rey takes up her baby and tries to coos her back to sleep, it seems almost impossible. The pacifier has done its deed, the diaper is clean and Makaria isn’t hungry. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?”, she asks a bit pointless and the only answer Rey gets is a shilling shriek into her ear. 

The hard headboard Rey’s against digs into her spine, yet it feels like she’s resting her back on soft clouds. Everything feels comfortable when tired and she almost falls asleep when her baby’s wailing becomes background-noise. 

Makaria has those kinds of meltdowns where she just cries for hours and hours, but even so, it’s still awful. Rey sweats in panic, her head is aching and her eyes keep closing in exhaustion. The whole night she has screamed for her baby, and now her baby is screaming at her. Touche. 

Cries turn louder and louder in her ear and Rey gives up on pacifying her - dropping the hand that has clapped her back for minutes. She sighs, closing her eyes at last. Just one minute of rest won’t hurt. 

A pressure over her chest disappears and so does the crying. It takes a few moments for Rey to realize that she has fallen asleep and she cannot fall asleep with the baby in her arms. 

So when she jumps back to consciousness, her breath hitches by the sight of Kylo who’s holding a sleeping Makaria in his arms. 

Rey stares at him dumbfounded as he presses a lightweight kiss on Makaria’s cheek, soft snoring filling the room as he cups the back of her head. He’s still wearing his black attire, back from work already, and Rey feels a deep sense of betrayal that the baby she carried for nine months seems more comfortable in her daddy’s arms than hers. 

Kylo seems to understand that, turning to her with a satisfied smirk on his lips. 

“She’s daddy’s girl. Daddy’s little sweetheart...” 

It takes Rey back to about a year ago when she was pregnant with Makaria. Kylo had loved the unborn child more than she and Rey had been jealous of her own daughter. Kylo has always loved Makaria more than her - even when she was nothing but a cell in Rey’s belly. That same flicker of fire suddenly lights inside of her and it causes Rey’s face to tint in anger. 

Makaria seems to love him equally, too. 

Kylo places the child delicately into the soft pillows in the crib. “Undress.” 

Fear runs through Rey’s body and she freezes in both shame and horror, hugging herself in reflex. She’s wearing long leggings and a baggy T-shirt, for she hates being exposed. But even with all this clothing she still feels naked under his gaze. 

“Can’t you give me a break, just tonight?”, Rey whispers, feeling her throat tighten up. “I cooked today, I even cleaned like you wanted me to. I’m just really… I’m really sore.” 

As if Rey has offended his whole damn bloodline, Kylo turns to her with a displeased expression before walking up to her and Rey almost falls backward on the bed when he hovers over her next. “You think I _wanted_ to hurt you, Rey? Huh? You think I enjoyed it?” 

_ Yes, yes you fucking bastard,  _ Rey wants to scream. He got off on her cryings and whimpers, she saw it in his eyes. The whole day Rey has walked like a penguin because of the pain he caused and claiming that he didn’t enjoy it is a lie. He finished, didn’t he? 

But Rey chooses to stare into his chest while biting the inside of her mouth. Trying to contain that upset voice in her head to keep quiet. She’s supposed to get that privilege back.  _ Behave, Rey.  _

“No…”, Rey mumbles, digging her nails into her palms. 

“Then what was it then, dear? Tell me, entertain me - please!”, he sings sarcastically, playing her like a cat with a half-dead mouse in its paws. 

Rey’s eyes start to tear up in frustration, knowing that there isn't a right answer. 

_ She hates him, she hates him so much! _

“It’s just… it was a bit rough-” Before Rey knows it, a sudden grip around her chin causes her to cry in surprise - hand immediately gripping his wrist in fright. Kylo snatches her head up to meet his and Rey’s eyes widen when he grins like a hyena. Her breath quickens in a panic - feeling so small under him. Claustrophobia kicks in immediately. 

“I’m starting to lose my damn patience with you, Rey...”, he chuckles through clenched teeth, and Rey shrieks with clenched eyes when he digs his thumb into the bruise on her cheekbone.  _ It hurts!  _ “You haven’t fucking  _ seen  _ rough, sunshine. Do you want me to show you?” 

“No”, Rey mumbles, containing her tears. She won’t let him scare her anymore - or at least  show  him that he does. “I’m sorry, please.” 

“This is the last time I’m telling you, Rey. Fulfill your end of the deal silently.” Then he pushes her off him violently like yesterday and Rey gasps when falling back to the bed. “ _ Undress _ .” 

If it was possible, Rey would’ve pressed her face into the nearest pillow and scream. Scream out the rage, fright, and misery. Scream until her body becomes a raisin. Scream until there would be nothing left of her - until the windows shake and the earth stops to spin. 

But... she can't do that. 

So Rey swallows and lifts her hips, taking off her leggings and underwear in one go. The only thing keeping her impact is that she has a plan. A few sacrifices are required to get back her privilege and those sacrifices are fulfilling Kylo's wants. 

She doesn’t have to like them, just endure them. 

Kylo’s chuckle breaks the dreadful silence, staring at her half-naked body from the end of the bed. “How unsexy.” 

The comment makes Rey’s skin flush, clenching her legs together embarrassed. It’s not like he really expected lingerie and nightgowns in silk. Milk-stained t-shirt and uncombed hair are what he’ll get when impregnating an unwilling woman. Asshole. 

“Just get it over with…”, Rey whispers under her breath before staring up the ceiling, preparing for his cold touch. It has her heart beating dangerously fast, knowing that he might repeat the same, awful procedure as last night. It makes her eyes sting. 

It’s going to hurt so bad... 

But when she feels the bed tint under her, Kylo’s knees imprisoning her hips, his big hands suddenly take her t-shirt off her body in one swift movement and Rey’s eyes widen when completely bare in front of him. A high-pitched gasp has her covering her chest but it’s not necessary. Kylo pins her wrist over her head immediately with a slam. 

Their eyes meet and Rey holds her breath when he licks his lips. 

“I’m not going to fuck a dead body tonight,” he grins before leaning closer, eyes glistening with mischievousness. “I’m going to fuck my wife.” 

Rey clenches her knees together - for a whole different reason, this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter got too long so I had to cut it sowwy guys UwU 
> 
> My other stories…
> 
> [Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)
> 
> [Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- Two-shot(!) Dark, Robbery, smut. 
> 
> [A String Attached To Your Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145/chapters/50917576) \- Looong story. Soulmate-AU. 
> 
> [Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.
> 
> [The Mad Empress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613834/chapters/59461759) \- ABO, Victorian-ish, WIP
> 
> [Sacrifice](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28758084/chapters/70517901) \- Two-shot. ABO, Omega!Ben and dark Alpha!Rey WIP
> 
> [Gift](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26630401/chapters/64936441) \- ABO, Dark, reversed kidnapping, smut, WIP


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